I had a dream this week I could curl my leg over the back of my head and touch my toe to my nose. Both legs, in fact. I have this dream a lot.
I sometimes have recurring dreams about French A level exams, Tower Bridge and my teeth falling out, but by far the most common is the toes-to-nose one. In these dreams, such contortion is easy. I’m just hanging out, noodling around and whoop! Leg over head. Feet on back of skull. Toes on eyebrows. Toes on nose. Sometimes, toes on chin. (It’s much less gross in my dreams than it looks written down)
In reality, I am nowhere near being able to do this. My flexibility is pretty good all round, but my spine is as stiff as a board. I would so dearly love to be able to do rainbow marchenko, or needle scale, or eagle, or a chest stand, or a cocoon, or even just to bend my back leg in splits and get it somewhere near my head. If you can do any of these moves, I am supremely envious of you.
One of these is me.
One of these is my student Laura
When I wake from these dreams it’s so crushing. I mean I know there are worse things going on in the world, and it’s churlish to wake up in the morning to what is essentially a life full of things we all take for granted, but which many people on this planet go without on a daily basis, moaning about a stiff spine, but for that split second it’s so disheartening.
It’s happened so often that in the latest dream, I was actually saying to myself: “Now, this isn’t another dream is it? You’re not about to get all excited about this and wake up to find it never happened?” And I was answering myself: “No! No this time it’s real! I’m definitely awake and this is definitely happening! AND check out my oversplit! IN YOUR FACE pole dreams and non-bendy back!”
As you can imagine, waking up from that one was great fun.
Recently I enjoyed a fantastic night out in a strip club with my adorable and charming friend who works there. We hung out, chatted about all things pole, had some drinks, exchanged anecdotes (hers were mostly about the clientele, mine were mostly about shoulder mounting bruises that look like love bites) and watched the pole dancers. I admired her customised Pleasers and she laughed at the holes in my socks when I stole her shoes from her for as long as I could get away with it.
Student pole dreams…
That night I had a dream we were dancing together on the pole. We were pulling off doubles moves the likes had never been seen before. I was at the top of the pole, and for some reason I never had to come down. I was staying up there like a flag rippling in the wind. My friend was underneath, being amazing and glorious and we were creating awesome art. Obviously the force of gravity had been kicked out and sent home in disgrace for ruining pole dance tricks everywhere, and of course the entire atmosphere had been transformed into a massive wind machine, with just enough force to ripple through our costumes (which were naturally fabulous and flattering but in no way got in the way of our tricks) and blow wind through our hair, but did not in any way make the pole cold and slippy. We could also go into slow motion mode.
Ron’s got his own pole thing going on
At one point, we looped silken lassos around the pole, enabling us to perform tricks fifteen feet out from the pole in mid air. We swooped and looped and tumbled through the air like fairies. It was like that bit at the end of the Harry Potter ride at Universal Studios where you glide in on your broomstick and everyone’s cheering.
We were an unstoppable force of pole dynamism, working in perfect unison, burning a new horizon through the landscapes of choreography and expression and art and beauty. At the end of it all, she gave me her shoes.
When I woke up to discover a wet weekend in Weymouth Harbour, I was most disappointed.
I don’t think I’ve met a poler yet who doesn’t have pole dreams. Just our overloaded subconscious trying to get rid of some junk? Taunting us with what we cannot do? Or are they trying to help us in some way? Are they trying to tell us not to give up?
I remember having such dreams when I was learning superman. It took me a long, long time to superman, partly because as we all know it hurts, and largely because I had no idea how to do it and was trying to work it out myself with a bit of help from good ol’ YouTube. In my dreams, it was the easiest thing in the world, and I remember being heartbroken when I woke, and wishing so much that that’s how it felt in real life. Of course, a while down the line, and that really is how it felt, and I had nailed superman in 12 different ways. So maybe I should pay attention to my toes-to-nose dreams. Maybe it’s telling me to keep working on it. Maybe it’s possible for me and one day it will be a reality. Who knows? In pole, anything is possible.
BEXIITA