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BIG BIRTHDAY PARIS TRIP DAY 1:
Got the Eurostar to Paris, and just as we checked in they said the next train was leaving in 10 minutes, so did we want to get that one instead of in an hour and a half? This is how we ended up drinking champagne at 7am on the train.

We arrived and went straight out to explore – which obviously means Angel exploring the tat shops. We also went to the Samaritaine, which is a bit like the Selfridges of Paris. It’s absolutely stunning, with beautiful glass art nouveau and art deco features.

We wandered over to see the Notre Dame Cathedral, and as you can see from the way everyone is wrapped up in these pics it was freeeeezing! Was very excited to see the spire ♥️
After that we had lunch, and I crossed off the first thing on my list of 50 Things To Do In 2026 – eat snails in France. They were delicious!

SAME BUT DIFFERENT

I first went to Paris in 2002 (it actually turned out I went on what was to be Angel’s birthday, she was born on the same date the following year)
Recreated this pic from 24 years ago at Notre Dame Cathedral. You can’t see it because I’m wearing this massive mob wife coat, but I’m wearing exactly the same jumper 🤣 yes the very same one. It’s old but it’s my favourite.

We then headed to the Arc de Triomphe, and suddenly all the snow fell out of the sky! It was absolutely magical!! It was so beautiful we decided just to walk and explore.

(At this point Angel not only fell over in dramatic fashion, but also wanted to play in a bit of untouched snow, so she crossed a barrier and started drawing a dick and balls in the snow, but it turned out to be the Chinese embassy and a man came out to tell her off. We were all shouting at her to stop but she just carried on drawing massive testicles, until she eventually turned round to find this man berating her. He was not happy when he saw what she’d drawn. I’m laughing just writing this)

We passed the Pont d’Alma, which is the tunnel where Princess Diana died – it’s covered in Diana themed graffiti. There’s also a replica of the torch of the Statue of Liberty there.
We walked from there to the Eiffel Tower which was incredible to see in the snow, just magical.
We are going for dinner tonight where I plan to cross off number 2 on my list of 50 Things To Do In 2026, and eat French onion soup in Paris.

BIG BIRTHDAY PARIS TRIP DAY 2
Best way to have a birthday is to wake up in Paris with your babies and best mate.
Had a massive croissant with a sparkler to celebrate, then dicked about at the Arc de Triomphe. The weather was BEAUTIFUL all day, clear blue skies, bright sunshine, crisp and cold. Angel got stuck slipping on a panel of glass and couldn’t move, and I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.

We then took the Metro to Montmartre where Angel bought so much souvenir tat I don’t know how she will get it home. We then walked up to the cathedral of Sacre Couer, then wandered through the red light district area and sex shops to the Moulin Rouge.

In the evening we went to the Trocadero for the stunning views of the Eiffel Tower at night, and did a river cruise along the Seine, passing the Eiffel Tower as it sparkled.
Finished off my Big Birthday with French 75 cocktails and beef tartare. Stunning and exquisite day.

BIG BIRTHDAY PARIS TRIP DAY 3

Our last day in Paris, and we spent 7 hours in the Louvre.
Survived the bunfight through the crowd to see the Mona Lisa (quote from Angel: ”it’s giving standing at the O2”), other highlights were seeing the Winged Victory of Samothrace and the Venus de Milo, and dicking about with my babies and my bestie.

We have packed so much into this short trip, hitting 25,000 steps a day. We are all exhausted – Ryan fell asleep in the Louvre 🤣 but it has been an incredible trip and the perfect way to celebrate my Big Birthday™️. Amazing memories, unforgettable experiences, great food, the best people, laughing til I cried.. feeling very happy and blessed ♥️

A bientôt Paris, see you in April

COPENHAGEN

Sadly I went far too hard too fast on the first night, so our first day in the city I had the hangover from hell.
We found the perfect antidote though in this tiny restaurant that had a simple concept: they serve hearty chilli con carne, with rice, crusty fresh bread and a dollop of sour cream and salsa, and that’s it. It was warm and cosy and full of rugs and blankets, twinkling with candlelight.

On our 2nd day we started with Danish pastries (of course) and coffee, and we booked a hop on hop off bus tour round the city, which was perfect as it was quite rainy so we couldn’t be arsed to walk. It took us to all the sights – Tivoli Gardens, the harbour, the traditional colourful houses lining the Nyhavn canal etc, and of course the Little Mermaid which I was very excited to see, even tho everyone says she’s tiny and not that interesting.
Amazingly there were only about 8 people there, including the 3 of us, so we could get up close to her and just hang around in peace.
Apparently she’s often getting vandalised, and in the past has lost her arm, and twice lost her head – they never found it one of the times, so someone out there has a Little Mermaid head just chilling in a box or on a shelf or whatever. Someone also graffitied her with “free Ahmed” tho nobody ever worked out who Ahmed is/was, or what he needed to be freed from. On the day we went, she was holding a little daisy.
She’s a huge cultural icon in Denmark and even tho yes she is tiny, I LOVED her.

After our bus tour we had a wander through the city, and got hotdogs in the main square, which apparently is Danish tradition, then settled into a cosy bar on the famous canal.
We wandered from there to Christiania, a self-governing Freetown founded by hippies and squatters and known for its alternative lifestyle (think vintage shops, weed, creative markets, music, eclectic bars etc). We had quite a few drinks then carried on through the city, trying out a few more bars.

Copenhagen is very clean, with beautiful wide cobbled streets and squares. The people are very stylish and effortlessly cool. Cycling is THE way to get around, and there are more bikes than people here, with 5 bikes for every 4 people. There are bikes lining every street, just left there, no locks, nothing.
Micqui wanted to ride bikes but that’s an absolutely not from me.

People also swim in the harbour daily, and on their way to and from work. The water is assessed daily for cleanliness and safety, and there are “sea bins” which are contraptions to reduce rubbish in the canals.
Like the bikes, people just leave their stuff on the banks as they swim, and it’s perfectly safe and secure. There’s this thing called Jante’s law, which is a moral code, which loosely means everyone is equal and you look out for your fellow community and create a social trust. People even leave their children outside shops in prams and buggies, knowing that if there are any problems, someone will quickly let you know.

They also had an election here last week but there are about major 9 parties and they’ve ended up in a situation where nobody is coming out in front and are going to have to form some kind of coalition, but seeing as the parties are from different ends of the political spectrum I’m not sure how that’s going to work.
(Obviously this being the internet I feel I should point out I don’t know anything about Danish politics or social laws, and this is cobbled together from frankly quite drunken conversations with locals)
There are candidate posters EVERYWHERE and most of the candidates are young and good looking which is not really what we are used to in the UK.

The following day we had even more traditional danishes for breakfast, then did a canal boat tour, seeing some more of the sights, including the Little Mermaid again but from the water this time. There were about 80 people there!!! Plus us in the background of their photos in our big orange boat. I’m glad we lucked out and went when it was quiet.

We had a traditional lunch of open sandwiches with fish before rounding things off and heading home to the UK, tired but having had the best time. The 3 of us have known each other since we were 19, and despite being besties all that time, and having made individual trips together, we’ve never been away all together, tho we definitely will again. It was an incredible trip, we laughed so much, just messing about, spending time together and having so much fun. Feeling very lucky and fortunate indeed ♥️

DAY 1: MOCO Museum of contemporary art, Red Light District

Breakfast in London, lunch in Amsterdam!

Went straight to the Moco modern art museum which was fantastic, a really well curated selection of modern art – and I found this little Eddie Vedder piece tucked away in the corner!

We are here for Angel’s 21st birthday, and I swear she was more excited to go to a Dutch supermarket and see what they had than anything else. Strange child 🤣

We did a walking tour of the Red Light District, learning loads about the history of the area and how the laws of prostitution and drug use came about and evolved.

Houses used to be taxed according to width, which is why they are so narrow and tall. Like Venice, a lot are built on platforms on stilts. This row of houses are called the “dancing houses” cos they appear to be collapsing into the water.

Did you know there used to be a condom measuring service?? The measuring tape goes up to 35cm.

The windows the sex workers operate from came about when prostitution was legalised but the law stated women could not “lure in men through the door” – so they did it through the window instead.

There are old churches right next to the red light windows so the sailors who used the prostitutes could immediately be absolved of their sins before heading back out to sea.

Obviously you are not allowed to take photos of the women at work, in fact Amsterdam appears to be very protective of the sex workers and there seem to be a lot of resources to protect them and prioritise their safety, although the current mayor wants to change the whole system and also criminalise cannabis for all but residents.

It absolutely pissed it down so we had to take shelter in the coffee shops 🤣

DAY 2: VAN GOGH MUSEUM

I first came to Amsterdam when I was 22 and spent the entire time in the coffee shops and red light district, but I remember thinking I’d like to come back one day when I’m grown up and do things like go to Anne Frank’s house and the van Gogh museum. It’s been than more than 25 years, but I finally made it, so does this mean I’m a grown up now??

DAY 3: SEX MUSEUM, AMSTERDAM ICE BAR

Tip if you are travelling with 20 year olds: like newborns, you must carefully manage when they need to eat, drink, and go to the toilet. If you don’t, they will suddenly need one of the above out of nowhere, and don’t even try to suggest we are only 20 minutes away, you have about 2 minutes before the situation becomes critical 🤣
As long as you keep on top of that, you’re grand.

Brilliant time dicking about with them in the iconic Sex Museum, before heading over in the evening to the Amsterdam Ice Bar.

Yes, it’s a bar, made out of ice, and kept at -15 degrees. Even your glasses are made of ice. They give you gloves and a massive coat, and you can only stay inside for about 20 minutes or so before you risk death.

And I’m the sort of person who needs a hoodie until it’s 27 degrees. Whose idea was this??
Actually it was brilliant, and Angel’s fav thing we’ve done so far.

DAY 4:

Birthdays in Amsterdam mean a tattoo to signify 21, a pub crawl in the red light district, and not making to the end of the pub crawl cos you can’t walk straight.

Walked past this coffee shop and recognised it from a pic that was taken when I went to Amsterdam in 1998, so Angel and I recreated it. How did we do?

Edit: on this first trip to Amsterdam, I remember us getting in a taxi on the first night and saying “just take us where everything is”. It sounded to us like the driver said “I will take you to Emerald Square” but no such place exists so I always wondered where we actually went. Turns out, he was saying Rembrandt Square. A 26 year mystery solved.

DAY 5:

Our post birthday hungover day in Amsterdam – Ripley’s Believe It or Not, a river cruise through the canals, fries from a famous chip place where you have to join a massive queue (it moves fast tho) and can choose from 25 toppings on your (admittedly amazing) chips, the Anne Frank House, and the Red Light Secrets Museum of Prostitution, housed in a former brothel in the main part of the red light district.
Gathering our energy for our final day today…

DAY 6:

Our final day in the beautiful city of Amsterdam. The torture museum, traditional Dutch stamppot for lunch, and hanging out in the Vondelpark. You can legally have sex in the Vondelpark! As long as it’s at night, you clean up after yourself, and don’t do it near the play parks. We didn’t though.

Amsterdam, from my first trip as a partying 22 year old, to celebrating my daughter’s 21st birthday, you have been amazing ♥️✖️✖️✖️

(apologies, I still need to add photos)

DAY 1:

In typical “Bex & Jo in Italia” style, we arrived, dumped our bags and went straight out for pizza and Aperol spritz, this time by the Basilica di Santa Maria Del Fiore under the shadow of its famous Duomo.
It’s very warm, and very beautiful, and we might’ve been a bit tipsy and went shopping but that’s definitely ok, Michelangelo would approve.

For our first night in Florence we went for a wander to Piazza Della Signoria, to see the amazing monumental statues including one of the replicas of Michelangelo’s David. We also saw the Palazzo Vecchio which I got excited about because it features the balcony from the film Hannibal where Hannibal Lecter shoves Pazzi to his death on the square below (most of my knowledge of Florence is based on the novel/film Hannibal).

We then walked up to the Piazzale Michelangelo which is a spot renowned for its incredible views of Florence. Everyone goes up there to grab a spot to watch the sunset and hang out drinking Aperol spritz and it’s absolutely beautiful, well worth the harrowing walk uphill to get there (I thought Jo was going to kill me at one point).

There’s another replica of David there, and its also (unsurprisingly) a hotspot for Instagrammers, so we saw a couple of people who were either getting married or pretending to get married.

After sunset we wandered back down the hill to have dinner in a beautiful restaurant (fun fact: it was on the same road where Hannibal Lecter lives and works at the Capponi Library), then home across the Ponte Vecchio where everyone was either getting engaged or snogging.
We have a busy day ahead of us today, and it’s 26 degrees and sunny! Perfect for climbing up over 450 steps of the Duomo 🙈

DAY 2:
The best/most exhausting day. We climbed up the cupola of the Duomo of Santa Maria del Fiore. This is not for the faint hearted, especially if you aren’t keen on heights, or small enclosed spaces. This was the second time on this trip that Jo nearly ended our friendship, but luckily the view from the top of the dome across Florence and to the hills of Tuscany was breathtaking, and well worth nearly killing your best mate. The views of the frescos covering the inside of the dome are also stunning, and you’re so close you can reach up and touch them, which I obviously did and obviously got told off.

We needed a stiff drink and food after such a harrowing leg trembling experience. I had wild boar pasta, a Florence speciality dish due to the large amount of wild boar roaming the Tuscan hills.

Quick wander through the streets to rub the nose of the Fontana del Porcellino (wild boar fountain). Tradition has it that it’s good luck to touch the statue’s nose. This is also where Pazzi washes his hands after orchestrating a murder in the film Hannibal, so I did that too.
They bloody love their wild boar here.

We also saw all the incredible statues in the Piazza Della Signoria, including Perseus & Medusa, the incredible Neptune fountain and a replica of David. There’s also a bit of Michelangelo’s “graffiti” on the wall of a bloke’s face who he used to see every day who annoyed him. There’s ancient sculptures of lions that I also touched and got told off for, but that’s become a yearly tradition.

We also FINALLY got some Italian gelato, after intending to have it every time we have come to Italy since 2019 and never managed it.

In the afternoon we went to the Uffizi Gallery, where I got very excited indeed to see Botticelli’s Birth of Venus. Exhaustion levels at this point reached critical and we got a bit hysterical, taking the piss out of many of the sculptures and pictures, so we headed straight to a bar for more Aperol spritz.

DAY 3:

When I was in my early 20s my friend Micqui had been to Florence and had a model of Michelangelo’s David, and since then I’ve always wanted to visit Florence and see David for myself. Today we saw him!!! Oh he’s so fucking glorious. I got very excited indeed. Look at his massive hand! And his tiny, tiny penis! What a man. Apparently he was originally intended to go on the top of the Duomo, though fuck knows how they’d have got him up there.

The guide also told us in beautiful heavily accented Italian that “Michelangelo was one hundred per cent gay, as were all the famous artists of the time”. Brilliant. Go Mike.

We checked out some other sculptures and then headed to an indoor market, visited the Baptistery, had the most INCREDIBLE food in a gorgeous trattoria then wandered to the Pharmacy of Santa Maria Novella. (If you’ve seen the film Hannibal, this is where Lecter creates a scent that enables the FBI to track him down.)

We also ran into the couple we keep seeing everywhere wandering around with their wedding bouquet. Starting to wonder if they really are newlyweds or just instagrammers with a following for wedding pics in exotic locations.

DAY 4:

Our last full day, and we said goodbye to Florence and headed to Pisa. Not a lot to see here except the tower, but to be fair it is incredibly beautiful, in a really peaceful location with a great relaxed atmosphere, not too busy, just a really lovely way to spend the afternoon. By night Pisa actually really comes into its own, with a really cool atmosphere, lots of great places to eat, drink and hang out, and a chilled local vibe.
Arrivederci Italia, once again you have been incredible 🍕🇮🇹🍝🍹

1000 miles in 3 days…

Did you know you can just turn up somewhere beautiful, pay €10 and hook up to their water, electricity and waste, and that’s it?! Nobody coming and bothering you or telling you off or trying to get money out of you?? Amazing.
Our first night we stayed at a farm, and had the most incredible food and wine for the same price as a chain restaurant.

First day we headed to Chateau de Chambord, where the chambord liqueur (the raspberry one in the round bottle) was created as a drink to impress Louis XIV. Dicked about on a golf cart, drank Chambord cocktails, ate more incredible food.

Tried to avoid Paris on the route but we were directed into a tunnel, and when we emerged the Arc de Triomphe was in front of us. In a 7 meter motor home that sleeps 6 it was scary af.

Next day we were in the Loire Valley, the home of crémant sparkling wine. Did a cellar tour, did a wine tasting, bought wine.

Parked up in a BEAUTIFUL site next to the Loire river, had a swim, ate another incredible meal and drank the wine we’d bought at the cellar tour.

From there drove on to Bordeaux, again turned up at a chateau in a vineyard and paid €10 to stay overnight, including a free wine tasting.

Why did nobody tell me about this van life stuff before, it’s bloody brilliant

(PS still not had a poo in the onboard toilet AKA le shateau, but can confirm the shower is excellent)

Second day in Bordeaux and we found a family owned boutique vineyard where we had a cheese and wine pairing tasting, which was INCREDIBLE. I only started eating cheese a year or 2 ago so it was amazing trying all the different types of cheese, and the woman leading the tasting had some kind of superhuman ability to know EVERYTHING about cheeses and which wines they pair with and how to bring out the best flavours.

We spent the night literally just parked up in the middle of the vineyard, with nobody in sight, having the best time with all the wines and cheeses.

From Bordeaux we drove to Le Mans for a wander round the shops and dinner of salmon tartare, and from there on to Normandy.

Went out to Mont St Michel, which was just stunningly beautiful, like a magical secret castle on an island in the sea, cut off from the world by the high tide. Had a French 75 cocktail in a stunning bar where I saw what must be the most well dressed exquisitely stylish woman I’ve ever seen in my life, I just spied on her party (who were also all immaculately dressed) for the whole afternoon.

Finished off the trip with lunch and wandering around the lanes of Honfleur – it’s just stunning, filled with boutiques and restaurants and has that old fishing village vibe. I also had a sea bream tartare, one of my fav things to eat in the world.

1700 miles travelled, stunning places, great company, incredible food and wine, perfect weather. France, I love you 🇫🇷♥️

DAY 1: Segrada Familia, Boqueria, Casa Batllò

We started with a breakfast overlooking the Segrada Familia, Antony Gaudí’s famous (still unfinished) masterpiece, before a tour inside and outside. Absolutely incredible. As I entered I genuinely thought they’d lit the place with coloured LED lights 🤣 but no it’s the stained glass window creating a rainbow of light. One of Gaudí’s signature moves is making the most of the light available and somehow managing to make even the underground crypt bright and well lit.

After paella for lunch we walked to the Boqueria market, one of the best fresh food markets in the world. Tasha got very excited.

In the evening we went for tapas and sangria then had a night time tour and drinks at Casa Batllò, one of the principal houses designed by Gaudí. It was gorgeous to see this house in the evening light, all twinkling and shining.

Total of 25,000 steps, ready for another busy day tmw

DAY 2 – Park Güell

Visited another of Gaudi’s creations, Park Guell. We nearly died getting there cos it’s at the top of a massive hill, overlooking the city.

They bloody love Gaudí here. He died after being hit by a tram, and his funeral was this huge event like Princess Diana’s.

Our tour guide told us that Gaudí was very likely gay, maybe that’s why he put all those rainbow colours in the Sagrada Familia windows 🤣

After Park Guell we had tapas and sangria at the Boqueria, then wandered down to the harbour to hang out in the sun, watch the billionaire boats here for the Americas Cup, and have more food.

I have only experienced tuna out of a tin and didn’t like it, so never bothered with it again, but I had a tuna tartare and my god, it’s one of the best things I ever ever eaten!!!! See you are never too old for new experiences 🤣

After that we went for a cocktail making evening in a cute little bar in the gothic quarter, where we made margaritas, mojitos, Moscow mule, sex on the beach, espresso martinis and pina coladas, and made friends with a German couple who taught us how to call people a slag in German. Tasha also tried to get me to go and get a tattoo of a spoon.
All in all this was a great day!

DAY 3

We were meant to go on a boat trip and swim in the sea, but it was cancelled cos it was too windy and choppy. This is probably a good thing because Tasha was very hungover 🤣
So instead we went to the Moco modern art museum.

This is the third Moco gallery I’ve visited, alongside London and Amsterdam. The London one has larger gallery spaces so there are larger artworks and sculptures on display. The Amsterdam one is in a house, so the galleries are smaller and more intimate.
The Barcelona one is tiny and barely covers more than one room so really is for hardcore modern art lovers only.

after being modern art wankers we ate loads of paella, and wandered around the gothic quarter, which is a really nice place, a network of lanes full of artisanal and quirky shops, tho I don’t think they took us seriously as customers cos Tasha was wrapped in a towel and I had a towel on my head cos it was a bit showery.

DAY 4

Our final day, so we went to an observation deck in a tower that from the outside looks horrible and dirty and ugly, but inside there’s a beautiful mini exhibit about the life of the city, with huge screens that are updated every second with information about the weather, climate, wind, water, sunlight etc.

The top of the tower is a 360 degree view of Barcelona and a sculpture of clouds overhead that you can clamber about in.

After that we spent the afternoon in the Boqueria market again because we love it there. Tasha’s absolute highlight of this entire trip is the tomato bread.

Farewell Barcelona, you have been amazing

DAY 1: ANTIBES

Cloudy and showery (but v warm) morning so headed to Antibes to wander round the harbour and check out the billionaire’s yachts, then strolled to the Antibes Provençal market – incredible fresh fruit, meats, cheeses, flowers and local produce, and beautiful quintessentially French streets to wander through, drink coffee and eat croissants.

Yes folks, it’s the return of the selfie stick!

Cap d’Antibes is full of massive houses/chateaux which you can’t even see really cos they have security measure to rival a maximum security prison – huge steel gates, spiked fences, cameras, the lot. It’s a proper billionaire’s playground.

The coastline is STUNNING, with clear blue water and beautiful beaches and rocks to clamber about on underneath lush green trees. If there is some great creator whose job it is to design bits of the world, they did an amazing job here.

DAY 2: Monte Carlo, Monaco.

The playground of the rich, the super rich and the even richer. Everyone here is incredibly well turned out and effortlessly good looking, even the dogs.

Had to take a look at the iconic Fairmont hairpin bend as featured in the Monte Carlo F1 race through the streets, and of course the superyachts in the harbour, then a wander through the Japanese garden to the beach. I also had steak tartare, which was fucking glorious, and turned out the restaurant we picked by chance was right on F1’s Tabac Corner.

I have only ever played roulette twice in my life – once with the lead singer of Keane, and today at the world famous Monte Carlo Casino, beloved of James Bond in Casino Royale. I think that’s a pretty good run. And I left €75 up!
I also bought this fucking fabulous massive hat.

Day 3: St Tropez

Boat trip along the French Riviera to St Tropez. Cannot cope with all these effortlessly glamorous and gorgeous French people. But what do you expect from a place that has the world’s most famous spray tan named after it 🤣

Like Monaco this is the playground of the uber wealthy, but whereas Monaco is steep and hilly and built on a million different levels, with narrow busy streets, St Tropez has a much more relaxed and open feel (except the market, which was HEAVING, and not as nice as the Antibes market).

The old town is the best place to go on market days, to wander through the beautiful picturesque lanes and eat and drink in the many bars and cafes (incidentally the service everywhere has been amazing, relaxed, polite and friendly, and needless to say the food has been incredible – classic moules frites with a champagne cocktail in St Tropez is probably as glamorous as I’ll ever get).

Chilled out for a bit on Pearl Beach, then more billionaire yachts to gawp at in the harbour of St Tropez, (this time trying to eat ice cream before it melts cos it’s HOT!) before catching the boat back to Cannes.

Day 4: Mougins

A whole day doing nothing but lying by a pool, reading. Saw 5 Lear jets flying overhead. Absolutely nobody else came by, except a woman who brought me a charcuterie board and an aperol spritz, so effectively this is my own private pool now 🤣
My new fabulous hat is too big to wear and lay back comfortably on a sun lounger. First world problems.

Day 5: Mougins

I am staying in the most beautiful village imaginable – Mougins, just outside Cannes. Picasso lived here for the last 12 years of his life. It’s a pedestrianised village that you can only get to by driving to the edge of the village then either walking or being picked up with your luggage in a golf cart. It’s streets form the shape of a snail or snake from above.

It’s like something out of a fairytale. You know those chintzy, twee books where an English girl goes to France to get over her heartbreak and meets a brooding French artisan baker in a picturesque village filled with little cafes and restaurants and art, and you think oh bollocks, nowhere like that really exists? Well, it does and it’s right here.

It’s an Instagram influencers DREAM, all hidden passageways, boulangeries and patisseries and little French cottages in chocolate box colours, but the influencers evidently haven’t found it yet, and you might see a total of 30 people all day. Except at night, when every restaurant is filled with glamorous French people (there are more Michelin starred restaurants here than anywhere else)

Hung out by the pool again. Didn’t get the memo about people here wearing only classic black stylish swimwear. Or rather I got it and completely ignored it in favour of brightly coloured tiny sparkly bikinis and an ostentatious silk kimono I bought from Greenwich market.

Day 6: Marseilles

France’s 3rd biggest metropole after Paris and Lyon, and a very different vibe from all the other places on this trip. This is a lively, busy city with streets chock filled with restaurants and cafes – and all the food is incredible.

Wandered round the harbour which is more like a proper harbour and less of a billionaires’s playground, and mooched around the old town with its winding streets of coffee shops, boutiques and ice cream shops, and Marseilles cathedral looking over the water. I swear the sky here is bluer than the sky we have.

I went to New York in 1998 for a friend’s hen weekend. It was a very different place then.
The cheapest flight we could get was with Air India, which left from Delhi and then stopped off at Heathrow, where the 7 of us got on board, plus a stag party of 3. All the other passengers had already been flying for several hours, and there we were, this group of Brits ready to get the party started.
This was in the days when you got unlimited free booze on planes. We kept bothering the steward for vodka until eventually she just asked (in an understandably exasperated manner) “shall I just bring you the bottle?”
We finished that (to be fair, I finished most of it) and I also shared a bottle of Jack Daniels with a bloke from the stag party (I also got him to give me his Oakley sunglasses, but that’s a different story).
It’s fair to say we (I) was smashed. I have a memory of lying on the floor (of an aeroplane, ffs) with my top off, wearing just a leopard print see-through camisole, singing Never Ever by the All Saints at the top of my voice. I am aware this is terrible behaviour and also that these days I’d likely be arrested, but like I say, the world was very different then.
Obviously the (enormous) hangover hit not long before we landed. It was like my soul had left my body and been replaced by something putrid, and satan had projectile vomited hammers into my skull. We’d ordered a swanky stretch limo to take us into NYC which was amazing, but all I could do was lie on the seat and wish for the sweet release of death.
I remember my friends finally seeing the iconic Manhattan skyline and all excitedly gasping and cooing and taking photos, and I remember thinking – we’ve travelled across the globe for this, but I swear, if someone could grant me one wish right now, it would be to be at home on my sofa, crying under a blanket. I didn’t even lift my head or open my eyes to look at the view.
I eventually had to get the limo to stop, stuck my head out the window, and threw up everywhere. I looked up, and this shameful scene was happening right in front of the Plaza Hotel, where Crocodile Dundee stayed in the film.
I am quite ashamed of this story, but you gotta admit, as chunders go, it’s quite glamorous.
Like I say, New York (and the world) was a very different place back then. And I was a very different person back then. This trip will be very different.

You might want to hide my posts for a week or so, cos there is gonna be spaaaaaaaaaam…

NEW YORK ADVENTURES: DAY 1

Had the best flight ever, the entire row to myself so I could spread all my stuff out and then lie across all 3 seats for a kip, and also watched Triangle of Sadness, which is going up there at the top of my Oscars 2023 list.

Arrived in NYC and immediately went to the 9/11 Memorial, AKA Ground Zero, and the new World Trade Center tower – an incredibly beautiful and thoughtful tribute to the nearly 3000 people who lost their lives. The names around the waterfalls that mark the footprints where the original Twin Towers stood also include the unborn children who were lost that day, which I found incredibly moving. White roses are placed next to the names of those who on that day would be celebrating their birthday.

Nearby is the Koenig Sphere at Liberty Park – this is a globe sculpture that stood at the centre of the plaza between the Twin Towers. It was severely damaged on September 11 and then recovered from the rubble at Ground Zero, and remains in its damaged state as a representation of hope and resilience. I absolutely love this, I think the visible damage is so powerful.

I also saw the Charging Bull of Wall Street sculpture, a symbol of financial optimism and prosperity – or rather, male aggression and testosterone, judging by its massive dangly bollox 🤣

Then a quick meander round Battery Park, where I got my first glimpse of the Statue of Liberty! But more of her another day, cos I haven’t slept for 22 hours…

NYC ADVENTURE: DAY 2

Started the day with American pancakes, bacon and maple syrup, and then visiting the observation deck in the new World Trade Center. There’s a visual representation on the walls of the lift (or “elevator”) of how New York was developed (and destroyed) over the years, as if you are travelling through time, and seeing it built all around you. It’s a really powerful way to set the scene.
Upon arriving at the observation deck, there’s another video experience of the cityscape of New York, at the end of which the screens unexpectedly lift to reveal the huge windows looking out at Manhattan from over 100 storeys high. It’s completely breathtaking, and made even better by the fact that when they lifted, we were surrounded by flurries of snow!!!! Only briefly but it made everything so magical.
It was -5 today, so after seeing the whole of NYC from the highest point, it seemed sensible to spend the afternoon at the Guggenheim, where there was an exhibition of the artist Nick Cave, plus French impressionist art.
After that it was time for a wander round Central Park, and cocktails and dinner at Tavern On The Green, an iconic eatery featured in many films including Wall Street and Ghostbusters.
On the way back I passed the Dakota building, where the film Rosemary’s Baby is set, and where John Lennon was murdered. There’s also a mural in the nearby subway station by Yoko Ono in tribute to Lennon.
New York is beautiful both by day and by night.
In short, so far this trip is fucking awesome.

NYC ADVENTURES DAY 3:

Woke up at 5.30am as still operating a little on UK time, so was up and about early. Went back to the Charging Bull on Wall Street, which was a lot quieter than when I saw it on Friday when there was a crowd of about 100 people. Rubbing its balls supposedly brings you prosperity, so I had a good grope.
Had a bottomless brunch featuring eggs Benedict, Bloody Mary and mimosa, as recommended by my mum, then headed up towards Central Park.
Started at Greyshot arch, where the last scene in the film Cloverfield was shot, so I huddled underneath the bridge and pretended I was being hunted by a monster.
Moved on to Pine Bank Arch, which was featured in the film Elf, so I pretended it was Christmas and I was in a snowball fight.
Next stop was the Dakota building (again), cos I was tipsy last night when I saw it, and also wanted to appreciate the architecture by daylight. The spot where Terri falls to her death in Rosemary’s Baby was the exact spot where John Lennon was shot 12 years later, so I found it a really eerie spot to stand in.
Directly opposite the Dakota, in Central Park is Strawberry Field, the memorial to Lennon featuring an Imagine mosaic. It’s a really lovely spot, with a busker playing Beatles songs and benches to sit and enjoy the atmosphere.
From there it was just an amble through Central Park, taking in the Sheep Meadow, Cherry Hill, Bow Bridge, and the Bethesda Fountain and Terrace, which is beautiful. There are a lot of influencers/photo shoots going on around these areas, which is interesting to watch cos I’ve had my fair share of being the one doing location shoots in not much clothing in the freezing cold.
Stopped off at the Naumburg Bandshell to do a split (obviously), passed the Loeb Boathouse where you can hire boats and row on the water in summer, on to the Hans Christian Andersen monument (resisted giving him a lap dance), stopped off for a coffee at Conservatory Water which was beautiful as the sun had come out by then and it was really warm, so was able to spend an hour or so sitting and taking everything in.
Final stop was the Alice in Wonderland statue which you can’t get a good picture of as it’s always covered in 15 million children 🤣
You might be able to spot in these pictures some really tall, thin buildings at the edge of Central Park. These are the 2nd and 3rd highest buildings in New York (after the World Trade Center), and are the tallest residential buildings in the world. They are so slender, they look like they might snap.
Rounded off the day with pizza at the Industry Kitchen with fantastic views of Brooklyn.
Perfect day ❤️

NYC ADVENTURES DAY 4:

9/11 Memorial Museum

I grew up in London in the 80s, so I’m no stranger to terrorist attacks, but this is on an entirely different plain. Seeing the destruction and devastation on display here, hearing the stories, it’s hard to comprehend how it was even possible to rebuild and recover.
I know it’s been more than 20 years since 9/11, but maybe it’s because to me it still feels only a short time ago, that it is completely overwhelming to see how this city has thrived following such horror.
This was an incredible exhibition, thoughtfully curated and displayed, with a respectful and sombre tone.
The Twin Towers were so massive they interfered with local television signals. To provide better reception, a broadcast antenna was installed on the North Tower. When the towers were hit, tv coverage was disrupted, ceasing completely when the north tower collapsed. Part of that antenna is on display, showing the sheer size of it.
The original foundations of the tower are still in place, giving you an idea of scale and place. And twisted, mangled girders, showing the sheer power of the collapse.
There’s also what became known as the “survivor’s staircase”, where those escaping the towers were able to flee the area. These are displayed next to a staircase taking you down a level of the museum, so it’s almost like the you are walking down the steps yourself.
It’s a genuinely affecting and moving experience.

After visiting the 9/11 Memorial Museum, I definitely needed to recalibrate a bit, so has a nice wander through TriBeCa, Greenwich Village, SoHo and Bleecker Street.
There’s a completely different vibe here, and beautiful architecture, gorgeous shops and restaurants.
Obviously has to stop off at the Ghostbusters HQ, and also came across the building used for the exterior shots of the apartment in Friends – which btw is just a building on a quiet road, no signs or fanfare or anything. I’m not even a particular fan of Friends, but had to get a snap anyway.
Also came across the narrowest house in New York – it’s 9 foot wide.
The thing about exploring a city on your own is that you have to keep getting out your selfie stick like a nob, or asking people to take your photo and hope they don’t run off with your camera – or, as Kim and Ralph say, if you ask someone to take your photo, make sure you can run faster than they can.
Met up with my cousin Chris who lives here for dinner and drinks in the evening, which was great but my god I’m paying for it today 🤣

NYC ADVENTURES DAY 6:

Early start, to head uptown for a Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I did think maybe the place would be overcrowded with other wannabe Holly Golightly twats with their coffee and croissants, but no, I was the only twat there. It was lovely actually, the sun was shining, the sky was clear, and Rockefeller Plaza is beautiful.
I headed down to Times Square, but as it was still so early in the morning, nothing was open yet so I just got to wander around before it got too busy. Unsurprisingly, it’s like a big Piccadilly Circus.
From there I walked to Bryant Park, a green city space known as Manhattan’s Town Square, where they are currently holding a winter festival with an ice rink called… Brrrryant Park. Amazing.
Also, the public toilets here were incredible! Like something in a 5 star hotel! They even play you classical music while you wee! Actually most of NYC has excellent weeing facilities, clean and plentiful, and often the toilets even flush themselves, although there’s often a gap round the edge of the door, which is a design feature I don’t understand.
New York weather is also nuts – yesterday it snowed, and today is clear blue skies and beautiful sunshine.
Next I walked up past the New York Public Library with its iconic stone lions. Last time I came here, the library was being renovated and the lions were wearing construction hats. I’m going to dig out those old photos.
Went past the beautiful facade of Grand Central station on the way to the Chrysler building, which I think is my favourite building here in the city. It’s just beautiful, an art deco skyscraper built in 1930 as 3 buildings competed for the title of world’s tallest building, dubbed the “Race to the Skies”.
Upon completion, Chrysler held that title of worlds tallest building for 11 months, before sneaky old Empire State came along.
So of course next stop on my tour was the Empire State Building – named after the nickname for New York State. This was indeed the tallest building in the world from 1931, until the Twin Towers were constructed in 1970. After the destruction of the towers, Empire State was once again the tallest building in New York City, until it was surpassed by the new World Trade Center in 2012.
Still reading? Good.
Now I just wandered around the streets a bit, passing Saks 5th Avenue, Macy’s (the worlds largest store!), Radio City Hall, passed through the Rockefeller and its famous Christmas tree location, and had lunch at Sarge’s deli, one of those quintessential New York delis that have been around for decades and serve incredible food, and have photos on the wall of all the old Hollywood stars that were regulars throughout the years.

I also went to MoMA (Museum of Modern Art). There are a LOT of art galleries and museums in New York. To visit them all would be impossible, but MoMA was at the very top of my list.
It’s very similar in styling and display to Tate Modern in London – which is one of my favourite places on earth, cos I’m a modern art twat. MoMA contains works by Picasso, Henri Matisse, Piet Mondrian, Frida Kahlo, Rene Magritte, Jackson Pollock, Edward Hopper, Marcel Duchamp, Roy Lichtenstein, Henri Rousseau, Cezanne, Jeff Koons…. Well, everyone really.
Absolutely incredible to see in particular – Van Gogh’s Starry Night, the Rothko room, Andy Warhol’s Campbells Soup Cans, Monet’s Waterlilies room (I got told off for taking a video), and Dali’s the Persistence of Memory – the one with the melting clocks (got told off for standing too close).
MoMA is right up there now as one of my favourite places on earth – I’ve left a little bit of my heart here in these gallery walls.

I’ve also been riding around on the subway, all on my own! You’ll be amazed to learn it’s just like getting the tube in London. Except there are a LOT more shall we say interesting people. You know that crazy ghost on the subway in the film Ghost? Yeah, like that.
In the evening I went to the Summit at Vanderbilt – an INSANE observation deck that I’ll cover below cos I can’t cope with how stunning it was, then had dinner at Peter Luger iconic steakhouse.

SUMMIT AT VANDERBILT ONE

There are many observation decks throughout New York, unsurprisingly as it’s one of the most iconic skylines in the world. I wanted to pick one to visit during the day (WTC), and I picked Summit at Vanderbilt One to visit at sunset.
It’s hard to put into words how incredible it was – it’s a multi sensory experience including glass floors, mirrored walls, reflections from every angle of the city, all as I watched the sky go from sunset to dusk to dark, and all the city lights come twinkling to life. The view was just incredible, clear skies in every direction, looking down onto the Empire State and Chrysler buildings, just so beautiful I could cry. As we reached the cocktail deck a deep fog rolled in so it felt like you were inside a cloud, with the city blinking out of existence and then back in again. A truly, truly unnerving, disorienting and magical experience, and a highlight of the trip so far ✨

Step count: over 25,000.
Today was one of those days where you just feel so happy and lucky and blessed for existing. Just the most beautiful and incredible day.

STATUE OF LIBERTY CROWN TOUR

When I came to New York in 1998 we were a hen party of 7, and we were only here for 2.5 days so everything we did was decided democratically. The thing I really wanted to do was see the Statue of Liberty, but everyone else had either seen it, or wasn’t bothered about it, so we voted to go shopping instead. (I’m not complaining btw, I still had a great time shopping) I maintain that I did still see the Statue of Liberty, it’s just that I saw it from the top of the Empire State Building and therefore it was very, very small.
Besides, I always think you should always leave one thing you want to do so that you always have a reason to come back.
Much like the Mona Lisa, it’s seemingly illegal to mention Liberty without someone saying “she’s a lot smaller than you expect, you know”. So you’d be forgiven for thinking she’s about the size of a garden gnome.
Mina was in NYC a couple of weeks ago, and when I asked her how big Liberty is, she said “as big as a church”, so that’s helpful 🤣
There are 15,000 visitors to the Statue of Liberty plinth each day, and only 400 tickets to the crown. They are hard to come by so I feel very, very lucky to be able to get one and go up not only inside the statue but also into Liberty’s head!!!
It was an absolutely incredibly experience! The spiral staircase is NOT for the faint hearted and definitely not for the claustrophobic. You can see all the support beams that hold her up, and the shape of the statue from inside – you can even see her eyes and nose and mouth if you look carefully in these pics! From the windows in the crown you can see her right shoulder, arm and torch, and you can look down and see her tablet in her left hand. You can see the spikes of her crown too, two of which are so close to her right arm – one spike is just inches away. The statue moves during high winds, and at one point that spike poked a hole in her arm which had to be repaired.
At one time, Liberty was the tallest structure in New York, a record which was previously held by the Brooklyn Bridge. Its so hard to imagine that now, with the Brooklyn Bridge absolutely dwarfed by the rest of the Manhattan skyline – you can see it in these pics, it’s the tiny bit to the right of the skyline 🤣
I admit I am a little bit obsessed with the green lady. So yes. There are 8 million photos of the same thing here, but I don’t care, it’s one of the most beautiful things I have seen and this is the absolute highlight of this trip. Also I can confirm that she is definitely pretty big up close.

NYC ADVENTURES DAY 8:

There’s an interesting response when you tell people you’re exploring a city on your own. In most cases, men’s response is “you’re on your own? Why are you on your own? Aren’t you bored on your own? I wouldn’t want to do that on my own”
In most cases, women’s response is “oh my god I can’t think of anything nicer than having time to myself and exploring a city on my own”
I can assure you I’m firmly in the latter camp, although of course I’m not entirely on my own all the time.

More riding on the subway today, where at each station they point out the accessibility features and tell you where the elevator is, but to me it always sounds like “the alligator is located at the centre of the platform”. I quite like the idea of every subway stop having its own alligator mascot.

Breakfast at Murray’s Bagels – I’m really going to miss the bagel places and delis. A bagel in the UK is just not the same thing at all.

Then wandering around Manhattan – admiring the architecture, and stopping off at the iconic Flatiron building (the one shaped like a very narrow wedge). Wandered past Macy’s, Madison Square Gardens, Hudson Yards and then walked the length of the High Line – this is a former elevated train track which has now been converted into a park/walkway with elevated views of Chelsea.

Quick stop off at Chelsea Market and then wandered to the iconic Chelsea Hotel where all sorts of legendary stuff has happened in the annals of rock history, and is where Sid Vicious stabbed Nancy Spungeon to death (OR DID HE?!??)

Finished with cocktails, dinner and champagne at the Coby Club, a secret speakeasy bar hidden behind a nondescript door in Chelsea.

Good job I’m going home soon because my feet are killing me but there’s just so much to see and do in this city.

NYC ADVENTURES: DAY 9

(Bear with me, I’m almost done…)

Early start this morning to cross the Brooklyn Bridge with all the runners, admiring the misty views of Manhattan from DUMBO (literally the name of the area, Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass) and seeing all the skyscrapers disappearing into the clouds, like the Magic Faraway Tree.
Brunch at the legendary Katz deli, AKA where Harry Met Sally (I’ll have what she’s having), AKA the world’s most intimidating deli, but also the home of the most incredible sandwich of pastrami, Swiss cheese and sauerkraut.
Then stopped off at Bloomingdale’s where I was obviously a tourist wanker and bought a classic LBB.
Oh, and also 4 bags of dark chocolate Reese’s miniatures, which are harder to get hold of in the UK than blue meth.

NYC ADVENTURES: DAY 10

Eagle-eyed readers might recall that when I arrived in New York City in 1998, the first thing I did was throw up out of the window of a limo outside the Plaza Hotel.
So it only seems fitting that I end my New York adventures in the same place, staying in a suite at the Plaza.
I can see why Kevin lived in Home Alone 2 – I resisted ordering the Home Alone Sundae tho 🤣

What a perfect way to end a perfect , once-in-a-lifetime trip.

New York? Completed it mate 🎤 💥

(pics to be added)

TOKYO

18 hours flight to Japan, via Hong Kong. Did I sleep? I did not. I did watch Wuthering Heights tho – lots of wafting about on misty moors in big frocks.

Arrived in Tokyo to find the reports of fancy toilets are accurate!!! An actual jet of water right on your bumholé! How do they know where to aim it? Are there sensors? Hidden cameras and a man with a joystick? I shall investigate further.

Also they drive on the left here. I cannot get my head around driving on the right when I go to Europe, but I could drive here! I’m absolutely not going to tho.

Staying right next to the Government Metropolitan Building in Shinjuku. Going to go out and explore Tokyo for the next couple of days, and eat my body weight in sashimi.

TOKYO

30 degrees in Tokyo. People here do NOT like the sun on them, and many use umbrellas as protection like modern day parasols. Everywhere you look are people with silver umbrellas.

First stop was the Meiji Jingu shrine, a huge peaceful retreat in the middle of the city. Tokyo has two main religions – Shintoism and Buddhism. These aren’t really followed as religious doctrine, more of a moral code and way of life. You are invited to rinse your hands and mouth at the entrance of the shrine as a means of purification.

Also saw the Tokyo Tower, a red and white tower based on the Eiffel Tower, built after the war as a memorial for peace.

After that we visited HamaRikyu Gardens – a massive beautiful peaceful garden in the bustling city that was once the hangout of shoguns, contrasting lush greenery with the city buildings where shogun used to hang out, drinking tea with their shogun mates in Tokyo, or Edo as it was called at the time.

Then on to the Buddhist Senso-Ji temple in Asakusa – fun fact, Asahi beer has its HQ here! (In Asakusa, not in the temple). Also had time to wander around the market, which was BRILLIANT, loads of exciting tat, like umbrellas with samurai sword handles, chopsticks, hair pins and kimonos for babies. Amazing.

Then moved on to Shibuya crossing, or Shibuya Scramble Square – the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world, with 3,000 people crossing at every light cycle – a million people crossing a day. Obviously I had drop split on the crossing, which means waiting for the countdown to the lights changing, then bombing out into the road before the hordes start crossing.

Had a quick visit to the observation deck of the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building, where you could see Tokyo stretching out into the distance, and in the evening we headed downtown to Omoide Yokocho food alley, which was just INCREDIBLE, a tiny alley filled with the sounds and smells from all the tiny food outlets and adorned with lanterns and cherry blossom and classic Japanese signage. Each restaurant only seats about 6-8 people but was lucky enough to find a space and sit at the counter as they cooked up wagyu, squid and chicken skin, and I had a beer! I do not even like beer, and haven’t had one since I was about 15 but it felt appropriate. Plus it was the only thing they served. Moved on to a tiny whisky bar for cocktails, before heading back to a light show on the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building outside my bedroom window. Just the most incredible experience to end the first full day of this adventure.

ODAWARA, HAKONE & LAKE ASHI 

Took the train this morning to Odawara from Shinjuku station – officially recognised as the busiest railway station in the world. Getting out of it is sometimes described on social media as the world’s biggest escape room 🤣 

The train line was called the Romance Car – how cute is that?! You can turn the seats round and make up a little bay of 4 with your mates. Speaking of which, we are a large group of nearly 40 and I’ve met some LOVELY people, really good fun, but I also get to have quiet time to myself so it’s PERFECT. 

Railways stations are a huge thing here. It’s very normal to eat at stations, get dinner, there are shopping malls, it’s a whole way of life. I got a bento box at the station today – basically a lunchbox with amazing fresh food. 

At Odawara we headed to Hakone and took the Hakone Ropeway (cable car) to the top of the mountain and as we crested over the top, we were treated to fantastic views of Mount Fuji. Truly a breathtaking moment. 

A speciality delicacy are eggs boiled in the volcanic sulphur, which turns the outside of the eggs black, so we ate them with the view of Mount Fuji, before coming back down in the cable car to cross lake Ashi. 

This is a big old spring water lake formed in the crater of a volcano. We crossed the lake to the hotel on a pirate ship. There is absolutely no reason for this, pirates are not traditionally known for doing their pirate thing on lakes (it’s a spring water lake so it doesn’t even connect to the ocean), they just decided (quite rightly) that a pirate ship is cool af. 

What an incredible hotel room, with a view of Mount Fuji!!!! And the hotel has an onsen – a traditional spa with water from the hot springs, and with strict rules about participating – like, you have to be completely naked. I however was not allowed in the onsen because I have tattoos. Is it my fault I got Japanese lettering tattooed on me in the 90s??!! Blame the spice girls. Anyway the water in the hotel bathrooms is the same hot springs water and one of the other guests bought some of the mineral salts they use in the onsen, so I made my own onsen in the hotel bathroom. 

Woke up to the most incredible view of Mount Fuji. Feeling very lucky indeed 🗻

MOUNT FUJI & OISHI PARK, LAKE KAWAGUCHIKO

Woke up at 5.45am to views over Lake Ashi of Mount Fuji, AKA the Big Fooj. I did not need to be up this early, I was just excited about the view.  

Went up to the Mount Fuji 5th Station, roughly half way up the mountain (it’s 3776m, the height of 8 and a half Empire State Buildings ) obviously I got a coach, I did not climb up there. 

Oh my god it’s amazing. Huge. Will you LOOK at this big fuck off mountain! Look at nature doing its thing! Amazing. 

Mt Fuji is the national symbol of Japan. Why? Cos it’s BIG and it’s SYMMETRICAL af. It’s on the Japanese money and everything. Quite right too cos it’s stunning. 

Guess what… the traffic vibes round here are Mt Fuji themed! Blue with white snow at the top. So fucking cute. Also you can buy bottled water which is the filtered water from the snow at the summit. 

Fun fact: Japan doesn’t have an “army”. It has “self defence forces” which are the pretty much the same thing, and they train at the foot of Mt Fuji, which is nice for them. 

On the way up and back down, they have these things called melody roads, where grooves are cut into the road so your tyres play a tune as you drive over them. So bloody cute. 

We also went to a supermarket. What is it about supermarkets when you go overseas, they are so damn exciting! Was in there for ages! The food in supermarkets is incredible, puts our meal deals to SHAME. I bought a box of sashimi and some yakatori (meat skewers), and some matcha KitKats (flavoured KitKats are a THING here) and then we all headed to Oishi Park for a picnic. This is a beautiful spot on the shores of Lake Kawaguchiko with theeeeee most INCREDIBLE views of Mt Fuji. Obviously this means there are a million influences and people prancing about for photos (yes including me) and they provide selfie stands with grooves to stand your phone in to get pics at optimum spots 🤣 please enjoy these thousand photos of Mount Fuji on me💁🏼‍♀️

Also made an origami crane today!!! 

In the evening we all headed into the mountains to the alpine town of Matsumoto. 

Went for dinner in an authentic traditional Japanese tavern, where you had to take your shoes off and were sat in private wooden side rooms separated by blinds and wall hangings, and sat on sunken benches. It was a bit like the House of Blue Leaves tavern in Kill Bill. Had Wagyu steak you cooked yourself on a hot lava stone stove. They also served horse sushi, which is a traditional local dish (I didn’t have that tho) 

Brilliant day overwhelmed by the massive Mt Fuji. 

MATSUMOTO, TSUMAGO & MAGOME, NAGOYA 

In contrast to the last few days, it’s been rainy today, for that authentic Japanese experience. 

This was a day for travelling to Nagoya and stopping off at a few cool places along the way. 

Had a cup of miso at a miso factory! Visited Matsumoto castle – one of only 45 castles in Japan – nicknamed Crow Castle because of its black exterior. 

Stopped at a service station for some food – ramen and miso soup and tempura chicken, and we sat on the floor on tatami mats and had to take off our shoes,  it was bloody brilliant. 

Passed through Tsumago and Magome, a couple of traditional historic post towns on the Nakasendo route, before arriving in Nagoya. 

Headed out in the early evening for a quick bit of shopping. By which I mean, went to the Onitsuka Tiger shop and Uniqlo. I’d heard nightmare stories about huge queues at the Onitsuka stores but we walked straight in, and I’d bagged myself a pair of Mexico 66s and was straight back out. Prob cos it was 7.15pm (I already have the Bruce Lee/Kill Bill yellow ones so I got metallic reds) 

Had dinner in a restaurant in Nagoya station, which in keeping with Japanese culture is actually a huge complex of restaurants and bars.   

On the way back we passed a security robot! I have no idea what it does or how it works but there it was, patrolling around, looking like something out of Blade Runner. 

Fun fact of the day! There are 5 million vending machines in Japan! There are banks of them everywhere, mostly selling drinks, but you can get anything in them – seen one selling miniature trains, and we found a wine vending machine! You can apparently even buy underwear in them! Alas, I have not seen this. 

HIMEJI, HIROSHIMA 

Took the bullet train from Nagoya to Himeji. They are so fast! If one goes past you in the station it’s gone pretty much before you register it’s there! I had a wee on it because I wanted to wee at 186mph. The toilets were amazing! Really clean and spacious, more like you ere having a wee in a nice restaurant. 

There were also luggage shelves, with bars you could move down in front of your bags with a combination lock, so you could lock your baggage in place. And they were completely free! And were not broken! And you didn’t even need to reserve them! Brilliant. 

In Himeji, went to see Japan’s most famous castle. It’s called the White Heron Castle because its shape and colour are said to resemble a bird in flight. 

One thing I LOVE is on the roof of castles and a lot of buildings are statues called shachi, with the body of a fish and the head of a tiger or dragon. They are meant to protect the building from fire. Legend has it that if the building catches fire, the shachi will spew water from its mouth to put out the flames. 

Also visited Koko-En Garden – a traditional Japanese landscaped garden. This was BEAUTIFUL, with waterfalls and bridges and footpaths and ponds full of huge koi carp. Absolutely stunning. 

Took another bullet train, from Himeji to Hiroshima, then got a bottle of wine from the 7-11. Convenience store life is a whole THING here, they are everywhere, especially 7-11 but also Lawson and Family Mart. Locals literally rely on them for everything. 

Went out for dinner to a traditional Japanese barbecue restaurant where you cook your own Wagyu steak on a grill at your table. It was bloody brilliant. Best night out so far. 

Fun fact of the day – baseball is HUGE in Japan!!! It’s their favourite sport! They have baseball themed bars and restaurants with baseball playing on the screen! 

MIYAJIMA, ITSUKUSHIMA, HIROSHIMA

What an amazing day! Visitingd Itsukushima shrine on Miyajima Island. Seeing the red floating great torii gate was definitely a bucket list moment. 

Originally the island was decreed as sacred, it was forbidden to dig into the land or alter it or clear any trees or plants etc to build, as it would upset the gods living in nature. So instead, they built the shrine on the water, with the shrine on stilts and the torii gate in the water. When the tide comes in the whole shrine appears to float. 

It’s absolutely amazing!!! Went down into the water for a paddle and to dick about in front of the gate. Unlike a lot of tourist places it really wasn’t busy at all, so you had plenty of space just to hang out and enjoy the moment (as well as get photos, obv). 

There are wild deer on Mirajima Island, just mooching about, hanging around outside shops, going up and down stairs and wandering into cafes. They are kind of a mascot of the island. As are maple leaves, as the island is covered in maple trees. 

It’s a beautiful island to explore, with shops and restaurants as well as temples and shrines. We went up to the Daishoin temple which was BEAUTIFUL and really peaceful, with mists and chiming bells. 

Had lots of street food including my first matcha! Also had lots of Miyajima island specialities – fried oyster dumplings, octopus balls, maple leaf cakes, and lemon cake, and also visited the Miyajima brewery for mini beer. 

I LOVE the street food here – it’s delicious and cheap and just so so good. But guess what?? You aren’t allowed to eat in the street 🤣 in some places there are actual signs warning you not to eat in the street, and you can get fined. So where do you eat the street food, you may well ask? Well usually you have to stand inside in a little area for eating, or sometimes there’s a little bench or stool, SOMETIMES an outdoor area, but you are definitely not allowed to eat walking around. Also there are no rubbish bins! At ALL!!!!!! You MIGHT get lucky and find one near a vending machine somewhere, but generally you have to put your rubbish in a bag and carry it around with you and dispose of it at home. You’re also not allowed to smoke anywhere, except designated smoking rooms, even outside. 

Hiroshima is world famous for its savoury pancake okonomiyaki, so in the evening we found an okonomiyaki restaurant where you sat at the counter watching the kitchen, then went up to the Orisu tower for cocktails with panoramic views of Hiroshima. Loved it here – no chairs and tables, you just found a spot and sat down, on the stairs or on the floor, and grabbed some cushions and a little table. It was like sitting in a park where you just have a lil drinks picnic. 

Rounded off the night in a 5 storey arcade of games, arcade machines, video games, and a floor where you could pick an outfit and go in a little studio set up and have photos taken. 

Absolutely loved today, and seeing the great torii gate is the absolute highlight of the trip so far for me. 

HIROSHIMA 

Visited the Hiroshima Peace Memorial museum and park, and the A bomb dome. The dome is what is left of a building after the bomb destroyed Hiroshima in 1945. We also visited the spot where the bomb was exploded 600m above. 

There’s a flame burning in the memorial park which was lit at one of the temples of Itsukushima and burns eternally. 

Also saw the Hiroshima children’s peace monument, with millions of folded paper cranes. 

The crane has become Hiroshima’s peace symbol primarily because of the story of Sadako Sasaki, a young girl who survived the atomic bomb but later died from leukemia caused by radiation. While hospitalized, Sadako began folding origami cranes inspired by the Japanese

legend that folding a thousand cranes grants the folder a wish – her wish was to recover and for world peace.

She did not survive, but to this day people fold origami cranes and bring them to Hiroshima. 

There are millions of them, hung up in strings and groups of colours, cascading everywhere. The museum collects them and recycles them into products in the memorial shop. 

I’ve also been collecting Eki stamps, which are stamps you find in local landmarks and stamp in your collector book. It’s a Japanese travel tradition that creates a visual map of your journey. It’s so addictive looking for them and finding them, it’s basically Pokémon Go with rubber stamps 🤣

KYOTO

Took the bullet train from Hiroshima to 

Kyoto, and bought a lil picnic of sashimi and cake at the station to have on the train. There was pretty much a department store of food at the station! Amazing. 

Cake is a HUGE thing here, also sweets and ice cream, Japan is sweet toothed. I bought a cake and they wrapped it and put it in a beautiful box with a pack of dry ice to keep it cool. All for about £3.50!!! 

Arrived in Kyoto – apparently the water is really pure here which means the sake is really good 😉 

Took a walking tour of the Gion district, which is one of the 5 districts in Kyoto where you will find what we call geishas, but here are called geiko, and maiko (young women in geiko training). Maiko live in houses in groups with a geiko house mother for training. 

We saw a few of them wandering around but it’s not really acceptable to take photos. 

When they are full geiko, an evening hosted by a geiko with food and entertainment costs about 300,000 yen for 3hrs (about £1500). The weight of the full kimono is about 20kg!! 

Went to see a Performance at the Gion Corner Theatre for a show portraying traditional elements of Japanese culture – not gonna lie there was some confusing shiz going on, with tea making and comedy and flower arranging etc but the costumes and dance were beautiful and it I loved it. 

Had dinner in Ponto-cho Alley, a lantern-lit street filled with authentic restaurants and shops, where we again cooked our own food on hot stones. 

KYOTO, KINKAKU JI, NISHIKI, FUSHIMI INARI

Started the day visiting Ryozen Kannon temple for  a traditional tea ceremony. 

This is a really highly ritualised ceremony where you have to do things in a very precise way, like wipe stuff and lift it up and turn it in a certain way with a certain hand in a certain direction. 

I’ve been fascinated by the tea ceremony for about 15 years so this was a bit of a highlight of the trip – and after a demo I got invited to come up and make the tea!!!! Exciting!!! It’s matcha green tea, which I’ve never had before, and probably will not again. 

There’s a season of America’s Next Top Model where they go to Japan, and they where they take part in a tea ceremony  and then have a challenge to recreate it, remembering all the details. What the fuck this has to do with modelling I do not know. 

After that we visited Kinkaku-ji, a Zen Buddhist temple officially named Rokuon-ji and called the Golden Pavilion cos the top 2 floors are covered in gold leaf. 

Moved on to the Nishiki fish market – I bloody LOVE a street food market! And Japan does them so well! The sights and sounds and smells and the LANTERNS!!!!! Here’s some of the amazing local delicacies I got to try at Nishiki – conger eel tempura, prawn tempura, grilled octopus, sweetcorn and pork gyoza. 

There’s not a huge choice of alcoholic drinks in a lot of places here – it’s mostly beer or sake, sometimes there might be cocktails. But often in offer in Kyoto are lemon sours – vodka, soda and lemon juice. It was V HOT yesterday (yes I know it’s also v hot in the UK) so I might’ve had several gallons of lemon sours, then even more in Potoncho Alley so I was a bit sozzled before moving on to Fushimi Inari. 

This is a shrine famous for its Senbon Trail,  a passage of 10,000 red torii gates that trail up the 233 mtrs Mount Inari. Worshippers and Japanese companies have donated these gates as a prayer for success or in gratitude for their wishes coming true, forming a tunnel of red gates. It’s a proper Japan bucket list moment. And yes it’s well hot to climb a mountain when you’re a bit pissed, even if it’s a v small mountain. 

We are on the last stretch now so all of us are flagging a bit. Headed back to the hotel in the evening, picked up snacks and wine from the 7-11, put on my hotel kimono robe, and had Japanese Girl Dinner on my bed 🤣

NARA DEER PARK, TODAI-JI TEMPLE, KYOTO TOWER 

“Is she STILL in Japan?!” Yes I bloody well AM, but not for much longer, these are our last few days together as a group. 

Headed to Nara to go to the deer park. More wild deer here, millions of them, wandering around, owning the place. 

If you ever go to Nara deer park, do NOT buy the deer crackers to feed them. 20 deer will rush you and attack you and You WILL get bitten 🤣

Visited the Todai-ji Temple in the deer park which has a massive bronze statue of Buddha inside, and also 2 massive fierce looking wooden statues of temple guardians that are so fucking cool. 

Had lunch in Kyoto of Wagyu beef shabushabu, which is a classic Japanese hotpot dish you cook yourself at the table, swishing vegetables and meat with your chopsticks in a boiling broth, it’s so much fun. 

Also found a huge array of the famous Japan exclusive flavour KitKats! Wasabi KitKats, matcha KitKats, orange KitKats! The orange ones are bloody lovely. 

Fun fact! Pedestrian crossings in Japan make different bird chirping noises when it’s time to cross – one noise for north/south and a different sound for east/west. This really helps you navigate around and know which direction you are going. 

Went to a sake brewery for a mini tasting, because why the fuck not, then headed up the Kyoto Tower to the observation deck for a drink. One thing I love in Japan is there are these kind of baskets/magazine racks next to the table in bars and restaurants so you can put your bag and all your crap in it instead of putting it on the floor. It’s so simple but a genius idea. 

Dinner was cooking more food on a hot stone bbq – more Wagyu steak (obv) and this time we had tongue!!!! It was delicious!!!! I hate cooking but turns out I enjoy it a lot more if I can do it sitting down and eat it straight off the grill. 

ARASHIYAMA, DOTONBORI, OSAKA 

Left Kyoto for Osaka, stopping at Sagano Bamboo forest trail in Arashiyama, a forest of huge tall bamboo. And then in stark contrast to the serenity of the forest we arrived in the bustling metropolis of Osaka. 

Visited Osaka’s Umeda Sky Building, a floating observatory with views over Osaka. After the blistering hot sun (yes I know it’s been hot in the UK ) and clear blue skies of the past few days, as soon as we arrived here it’s started raining, for that perfect Osaka Blade Runner aesthetic. 

Explored the Dotonbori district – an incredible area, crowded with restaurants, streetside food stalls and bars. If you’ve ever watched films like Blade Runner, anything futuristic moody and rain streaked and neon lit, that’s the vibe, and it was probably filmed here. 

There’s also a famous sign, the Glico runner – which is exactly what it sounds like, a big sign of a bloke running, and people come to see it and recreate it on the bridge next to it. 

Food I ate in Dotonburi: 

Snow crab (x2), Wagyu steak on a stick, chicken yakitori, takoyaki balls, deep fried octopus, lemon sours. Someone also appears to have gone into my luggage, taken all my clothes, and replaced them with the same clothes but in a smaller size. A mystery. 

Also went to Uniqlo – if you buy stuff, you just put your shopping basket on the counter and it knows what’s in your basket!!!! No scanning or anything!!!!! Amazing! I got a shirt thing cos all the Japanese women are wearing them and they look cool AF. 

SHINSAIBASHI, OSAKA

Firstly, will you look at this mad service robot ferrying crockery about at breakfast??? 

Last morning in Japan so rounded the trip off with some shopping in the Shinsaibashi area of Osaka, where we saw the legendary long queues for the Onitsuka Tiger shop, and wandering around the Amerika-Mura disctrict – Osaka’s equivalent to Harajuku (or a bit like wandering around Camden). It’s the ultimate hub for youth fashion, streetwear, and vintage shops and where all the cool edgy people hang out. 

There’s a season of America’s Next Top Model where they go to Japan, and they have a challenge where they have to recreate Japanese street style. A girl wins the challenge because she says she just found the most hideous clothes she could and then put them with other hideous clothes that did not go together at all. That was about 20 years ago and street fashion now is much less hideous 🤣 

Last lunch of a bowl of ramen and miso soup, before saying goodbye to everyone and going our separate ways. 

I’m not really a big group person, especially on holiday. I like to explore by myself and have time on my own, but I’ve honestly met some people I’d genuinely call friends and have really enjoyed exploring this incredible country with them. 

It’s been an incredible mix of serene temples and shrines, forests and mountains, technology and bustling cities, food, drink, sights, sounds and smells. 

And so my big Japan adventure comes to an end. I’ve written these posts largely as a way to remember what I’ve done and also because it’s nice when it pops up on my fb memories in years to come, but if you’ve read this far and enjoyed these posts, thank you for taking this journey with me. ARIGATO GOZAIMASU 🇯🇵🗻