Tag Archives: pole dancing

Ten things to do from the very beginning of your pole journey

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Ah, your first time on a pole. Can you remember yours? Chances are, you were smitten from the very start. And whether you are still an absolute beginner, or you are now years down the line, you will have invariably learned a great deal, not only on the pole, but about the process of learning itself, and how to be a better poler. Here are ten things I wish I’d known from the very start of my pole journey. 1. Train both sides Without doubt, this is the single biggest thing every poler wishes they had done from the start, so let’s start with this one. Train. Both. Sides. Even if you don’t read the rest of this piece, take this piece of advice with you, tuck it in your hotpants and keep it there. Take it to every lesson, as reliably as you take your grip aids and water. Think about it. Everything feels weird at first. So it may as well fell weird on both sides. Even left handed people will be stronger on the right If that’s how they learn, and vice versa. It’s not so much to do with your dominant side as it is to do with muscle memory and what you are used to. So you may as well get used to your “bad” side from the start. When you become more advanced and want to start linking moves together, finding that you are ending up on your bad side for a brass monkey or Ayesha or whatever can put an end to the combo of your dreams. If only you could do it both sides! And of course, training both sides means you won’t end up lopsided, with one bicep like Popeye and one like Olive Oyl. But quite apart from that, having even strength will prevent injury and help with balance and even weight distribution.   I do teach everything both sides now. Everyone moans and hates me for it, but in a few years when they want to iron X on the left I can at least say I tried to take them to the dork side. Both sides people! Got it? Good. Let’s move on. 2. Stretch In many ways when you are a beginner you are the perfect candidate for stretching. More often than not, a beginners basic level of flexibility will not be massively high, and increasing flexibility will possibly be one of the things that is attractive about pole. It’s a bit like a yoga class but with more fun stuff and less philosophy, right?? And all the other beginners will have a similar level of flexibility and not be all scarily intimidating. OK, there’s usually some bendy circus type freak – but apart from them, most beginners are not doing the splits, bending in half backwards or even able to touch the floor, so making stretches a part of your regular warm up and and cool down is going to make a difference. The problem is when those stretches don’t change and develop as your flexibility increases, taking your flexibility to the next level. When you are super comfortable with your jade, Allegra, cocoon or whatever, you are going to want it to look flatter, more splitty, more bendy. Wouldn’t it be great if you had already been working on that flexibility for months, rather than waiting until you achieved the move? But flexibility isn’t just to make moves look amazing. It helps to make holds strong, and prevent injury. As you build muscle and get stronger, those muscles become bigger and bulkier, and flexibility is often compromised as a result. This can cause issues with range of movement, making certain moves potentially painful or at risk of causing harm. Typically pole dancers build muscle around the shoulders and upper body, which is great and we all love memes of Barbie dolls with massive biceps, but without consistent stretching those muscles will reduce shoulder rotation and flexibility. Congratulations, you are strong and bendy enough in your back to do a seahorse, a dove, an eagle, a Phoenix! Oh though. You need someone to push that shoulder round. Stretch after EVERY pole lesson, especially those shoulders.

3. See pole dancing performed at a show or competition First and foremost, shows and competitions are BRILLIANT. You get to hang out with cool people who don’t mind that you bang on about pole endlessly, and there’s always loads of good stuff to buy. But for a bit of inspiration, you cannot beat watching others perform for a crowd. It’s totally different from what you see in a pole studio, showing the difference between exercise and fitness, and an actual performance. It doesn’t even have to be a massive national competition. Go to a small local competition, or a showcase, or even a strip club. See how your sport looks when it is polished and practiced and covered in sparkles. You will come away with ideas for things you haven’t tried before. You may even be inspired to give it  go yourself. 4. Spinny pole Spinny pole seems to be something that is considered to be for advanced students only (and Australians). Outside of the occasional lesson or one-off work shop, It’s rare to find beginners regularly practicing the art of the spinning pole. What tends to happen is someone buys their own pole, puts it on spin mode, jumps on and spins at 800 rpm, tries to invert, feels sick, has to go and lie in a darkened room with a cup of tea until the world stops moving, then declares “I hate spinny pole” and never does it again. But what shame! spinny pole is a wondrous thing of joy and beauty! If only polers were introduced to the delights of controlled spinning early on and practiced it regularly. Just look at the Australians. They train on spin from the start and make it look easy and amazing. Who doesn’t want to look like Maddie Sparkle on a pole? Nuff said. Get dizzy bitches.

5. Find your own style When you start pole and eagerly, excitedly, breathlessly check out alll the polers on social media, you’d be forgiven for feeling a bit disheartened at the sight of thousands of girls doing amazing things with the caveat “sorry for my rubbish phoenix/crap splits/poor iron x”, especially when you’ve only just learned your first spin. Being good at pole takes time, patience and perseverance. Some students have a background in dance, gymnastics or even contortion, and they will pick things up fast and make them look awesome, but most are average women or indeed men who are not taking the pole world by storm just yet but they are making amazing progress and getting stronger and fitter week by week. Everyone’s journey is different. Find your own style. Don’t try to be like someone else, not your teacher, not your classmates, not your pole idol. It’s fine to be inspired and influenced but there is only one you. Don’t push yourself too hard. Be kind to yourself. Appreciate different strengths and weaknesses and that you don’t have to excel at everything. Spins, floor work, inverting, climbing, spinny poles, combos, flexibility… there are so many disciplines. Be encouraging and supportive and you will be encouraged and supported. And if not, you are in the wrong training space 6. Find a good teacher Or rather, find the right teacher for you. You don’t have to stay at one studio out of loyalty. Maybe you want to work on slinky floor work but your school is more about conditioning or vice versa. If you feel that you could benefit from another teaching style, it’s OK to train somewhere else. There’s no reason you can’t go to two different schools and get the best of both worlds. Even if you train alone, you can still benefit hugely from masterclasses, workshops, pole jams, private lessons or the odd group class elsewhere. 7. Take photos. Taking photos is a great learning tool. It’s the easiest way to track progress, to see how your gemini now varies from your very first one, how much your flexibility has improved, or how much that old hair colour absolutely did not suit you. Photos are also a great communication tool – when you are upside down clinging on for dear life, your instructor’s cry of “leg down! leg down!” is likely to make less sense than those websites helping you with HTML. But with a photo in front of you, your teacher can point to the leg in question, and explain where she would like to see it instead. Ahhhh it makes sense now! Photos are also great when you want to revisit a move but can’t remember the name. “Can we do that one where you’re upside down and your leg is on the pole and the pole is here… or is it there… and the arm is up here somewhere and oh I can’t even remember it now…” A photo here saves everyone’s time and sanity. Plus, it’s always amusing to look at what people are doing in the background. Just don’t get distracted by text messages, Snapchat and Facebook.

8. Freestyle, and dance it out. There’s more to pole than just tricks and competitions. Freestyling is a thing, but it’s unlikely this will be taught at the average pole school, as it’s such a personal thing, and it feels weird to pay for classes but essentially be told to make it up as you go along. You can dance without learning what to do first , you can just let yourself move and flow and roll on the floor and spin and see what happens. Many, many advanced student never learned the art of freestyle, and can drop a fonji without breaking a sweat but freak out at the thought of a two minute freestyle, Add a movement flow practice at the end of every session and learn how your body moves. Do it in the dark if you feel self conscious, or even blindfolded. It will make a world of difference. 9. Don’t get into bad habits Don’t flex your feet. Don’t run and jump into inverts. If you do get to a level where you want to perform, compete, or even teach, it’s going to be really hard to break those habits. No one is saying you have to be perfect, and every invert must be deadlifted with perfect straight legs from day one (a pretty unreasonable expectation for most), but as soon as you are strong enough, get into the habit of doing moves to the best of your ability. It’s harder to do it that way because you are using more effort and muscle technique. So guess what – doing it that way all the time will give you a killer workout, washboard abs, thighs like Wonder Woman and buttocks you could crack walnuts with. Who doesn’t want that? 10 feel free to ignore all of this completely Let’s face it most people go pole for a fun fitness class. For most, getting to a competition level or even an advanced level of pole is not really a priority. If you just want to turn up once a week and have a great time having fun with a bunch of like minded individuals and at the same time get a bit fitter and stronger, that’s absolutely brilliant. Do not feel you need to embody those bullying “you just have to keep pushing yourself” memes. You only have to push yourself as far as you want and do what you want. So feel free to ignore all of this advice completely, and make pole your own personal Journey. But seriously. Train both sides.   BEXIITA ACKLAND

The Ten Commandments of Pole Social Media

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Written by Bexiita Ackland

There are a million articles out there on what not to do on social media. 

We all know it’s seriously uncool to do the “Grrrrrr… Some people!” status, as well as the “busy busy busy!” humble brag and the “U ok hon?” attention bait. And while your social media account is your own business, and you are free to share or not share whatever you choose, here are Ten Commandments to help you not be a total dick on social media in the world of Pole.

1 Thou Shalt Appreciate Other People’s Stuff

Comment, like, even share it. Don’t just post your own stuff and sit back waiting for plaudits. Interact with people, reply, respond, look at and comment on other peoples stuff. It’s a two way street. It’s a conversation, not a monologue, even if you are totally awesome.

2 Thou Shalt Not Drink And Internet

You would be amazed at the amount of enquiries I get late on Friday nights when people get home from the pub. I get even more on bank holidays, even on Christmas Day and New Year. An 11pm message about a new beginners’ course after a few shandies that will never amount to anything once the drink has worn off, but still we must respond to all the questions about what to wear and is everybody the size and shape of a stick insect. On the other hand if you are out on the town and taking photos of drunken splits on the dance floor, then post away 

3 Thou Shalt Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

If you are inspired by someone, or seen something you’d like to try, it’s good to share that with them. Chances are they’ll be chuffed to bits, and will probably offer you some tips if you ask. Similarly don’t rip off people’s style, creativity, choreography, ideas, or logos. Facebook, Instagram and all the rest are social networks. Networking means you give, and you take. The person you are inspired by may not have created the move, but if you saw them do it, thought hey, that’s pretty cool, and tried it, let them know. I guarantee it will make them smile. However…

4 Thou Shalt Not Be A Credit Pedant

Don’t insist that every single move ever done is referenced back to whoever did ot first, or get unnecessarily prissy about names. A simple “that looks cool, we call it a flying donut” or “it’s really similar to something we’ve been working on” will suffice rather than a demand to use its “proper” name to piss all over someone’s bonfire AND rain on their parade simultaneously. It’s highly likely that someone, somewhere in the world will have come up with a similar move to someone else at any given time. Getting into a fight over names will just alert everyone to the fact that you’re a bit petty and sad. Let people have their things. Don’t be that person.

5 Thou Shalt Throw In A Bit Of Local Colour

As we have already said, it’s your social media account, and you should share what you feel comfortable with. You should absolutely not feel pressured to share personal details of your life. But I admit I like it when the people I follow online share some local colour about their lives. We may have never met, but I love to know that as well as being a badass poler you also have a dog called Rover, kids who kick arse at basketball and you love Breaking Bad and collect stamps. There’s an element of stalking to social media and these little nuggets make us feel more like friends than internet acquaintances. I also want to see you getting drunk with your mates as it makes you seem more like me and less like an untouchable pole deity.

6 Thou Shalt Not Do That Weird Passive Aggressive Thing

“I am so proud of you, you have come so far since I taught you this in my studio and I took a photo and I showed you everything you know about pole”. Yes well done, I’m sure that person couldn’t have possibly made any progress whatsoever in their pole journey without that one time you trained together.

7 Thou Shalt Follow Beginners

Think you can’t learn anything from people who aren’t at your level? Think again. Nothing is as disappointing as normal Pole mortals who get a name for themselves, and suddenly will only interact with other big names

Of course, who you follow on Instagram is entirely your choice. Maybe you like to keep it select as a busy timeline is too addictive. Maybe you don’t like pictures of dogs or quinoa. Maybe you think you can’t learn anything from beginners. You can. Plus who knows where the next big thing will come from?

*I’m actually crap at this. I don’t check Instagram that much and often think I’m following people I’m not. So maybe this Commandment should actually be “Don’t have too many social media accounts”. Let’s face it, nobody needs Google Plus.

8 Thou Shalt Not Get Into Arguments

The Internet is a big place full of people with different opinions. Some of those people may disagree with you but still have interesting points to make. Some of those people are just dicks. In person you may have a wonderful respectful and informative discussion with someone with a different viewpoint to you, from which you may both learn something, but online you can’t convey subtleties of discussion, even with all the emoticons at your disposal. Arguing with strangers on the Internet about pole is time consuming and pointless. You won’t change anyone’s mind, and they won’t change yours. If someone is being obnoxious, chuck it in the f**k it bucket and move on.

9 Thou Shalt Use Hashtags Wisely

Here are some good hashtags to use: #pole #poledance #poleprogress #unitedbypole (you get the idea). And thanks to Shimmy we now know to add #pd to any pole dance move hashtags, ie #pdtitanic to find pics of the pole dance move titanic, rather than pictures of the doomed vessel or a young waterlogged Leonardo DiCaprio. Also check your hashtag spelling, nobody is searching Instagram for #striperheals (but maybe they should). But don’t go mad and hashtag every word #nobody #wants #to #decipher #this.

10 Thou Shalt Not Let Other People Make You Feel Like Crap.

Don’t lose sight of why you go on social media in the first place. It’s to learn, support and encourage, not to feel shit. Don’t resent other people’s achievements. Don’t just see the things you can’t do. Don’t overthink it, don’t feel you need to keep sharing ever more impressive stuff. It’s just social media. If you don’t post every day, guess what? No one minds. No one even notices. There are 7 billion people on this earth, and most of them are only too busy worrying about themselves to care what you post. Don’t let it get you down.

Top Ten Old School Classic Pole Moves

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Once upon a pole time, there was no such thing as fonjis and flips. Our beautiful art was a relatively simple thing, built on the foundations of our stripper sisters and self taught amateurs. These pioneers spent years not only creating but perfecting the basics upon which our sport was built. 

Unless you have taken up pole relatively recently, you may well recall a time when your syllabus did not include a new move every week, when the move of the moment did not spread like wildfire throughout the pole community. A time where the most advanced move you were ever likely to do in the course of the year was a Superman. A time when world champions performed little more than some leg hangs and switches, a long, sweeping climb to the top of the pole, and then something really show stopping… like a jade split.

But here’s the thing. They did those moves to absolute perfection. When there wasn’t pressure to do new moves weekly, polers spent time perfecting and polishing moves until they were flawless. So today I’m taking it back to the old school, revisiting those classic moves upon which our whole community was built. Never mind birds of paradise and rainbow marchenkos, these are the moves you need to nail, classic pole style.

1. Gemini

Originally created by Pantera Blacksmith, who referred to an inside leg hang as a Gemini and an outside leg hang as a Scorpio, polers have been debating which-leg-is-gemini-and-which-is-scorpio ever since. Most schools now seems to refer to Scorpio as an inside leg hang and Gemini as outside (rewriting the creator’s own rules), so for the purposes of this blog I’m going with that.

Gemini is the first actual inverted move I learned, and it was after a good six months of drilling just going upside down. I will still include a Gemini in pretty much every lesson I teach. Not only is it a really pretty move, it is also the gateway into so many more advanced moves, as well as being a fail-safe get out clause if you ever want to bail out of a tricky move. Do this move every time you train, until you can do it in your sleep. You just can’t go wrong.

Gemini by Jo Dandridge

2. Scorpio

To avoid confusion I suppose we could do away with the pretty names and call these move inside leg hang and outside leg hang and just be done with it, but where’s the fun in that? Pole dancing is an art to me and I like the pretty names much more than the sanitising boring descriptive names even if they do make it easier. Interestingly, we have Gemini and Scorpio, and a recent creation called Capricorn, but the other starsigns are yet to show up. Maybe next time a move is created and needs a name we should look to the zodiac for inspiration.

Anyway. Much like Gemini, Scorpio is a gateway into many more advanced moves, from simple foot grab variations to the super Bendy contortion Scorpio/cocoon and bird of paradise, and a must on the to-do list of old school pole moves.

Scorpio by Daniel Rosen, photography by HS Fitography

3. Butterfly

Ah butterfly. How I love you so.The foundation for so many more advanced moves. It is worth getting this gorgeous move absolutely spot on, automatically awesome without even thinking about it, before moving on to exciting things like extended butterfly (or ex butt as we call it ), Ayesha, handsprings and so on. Think “boobs in, bums out” for a nice curve and to get that perfect line from hand to hip that gives you stability. Also try variations like a straight back leg, kicking yourself in the back of the head (ah, if only!) variations like butterfly handstand, one handed butterfly, butterfly from Jamilla or a thousand other moves, and Marion Amber (which isn’t actually anything like butterfly at all, but kinda, and that strong butterfly body position will help)

Butterfly by Carly Miller, photography by the Image Cella

4. Jade

Named after the first letters of the names of its creator, the pole pioneer Jamilla Deville, the jade is a perfect example of an old school pole move that endures. You don’t have to be super splitty to make this look amazing – try attitude/stag leg positions, one or the other leg bent, or with straight legs but angled upwards rather than flat. There’s no getting away from it though – this move does look totally amazing flat, and absolutely incredible in an oversplit. It’s also a great way to condition your side grip for more advanced moves like allegra, or horror of horrors, jallegra (my internal organs are crying at just the thought)

Jade by Kirsty Griffiths, photography by Scrumptious Photography

5. Knee Hold

Yeah this can really hurt but you can’t beat it for a proper old school impressive move. Get the pole in the right place, push hips forward and shoulders back and squeeze your bum cheeks. Try to think of it as hanging from your top knee, rather than pushing on your bottom one. And don’t forget to point your toes! Then try letting your mate stand on you, and do it on spin. See? Old school doesn’t mean easy does it?

Knee Hold, photography by Claire Winters

6. Superman

Here’s one move where we can all agree on a name! A Superman is a Superman, wherever you go. When I first started pole, this was everyone’s nemesis move, and if you could do it, you were the absolute nuts. The first time I ever did Superman I screamed until the windows shook because it hurt like a biyatch, and it took me a year until I could do the move with ease. The main thing that causes pain is gripping on too tight – loosen the thigh grip slightly, and don’t be afraid to drop your hips. I prefer the feet uncrossed as it creates a nicer line, but if your ankles are crossed make sure you point your toes and don’t flex the bottom foot. It looks gorgeous flat, and also curved, like a beautiful poley banana. There are wonderful things to do from here – shoulder mount, titanic, drop into a Scorpio – but you can’t beat the beauty of a classic Superman. And remember – lift chest, hips down, heels up.

Superman by Chloe Westhead, photography by Millie Robson

7. Plank

What a boring name for such a pretty move. We originally called this move Wonder Woman when I first learned it, as it’s basically an inverted Superman, but sadly that wondrous name is not universal. Not as ouchy on the thighs as Superman, and a bit scary for some as you can’t see behind you, this too was once considered an advanced move that took a year to work up to. Ah how the pole world has changed. Squeeze your bum cheeks, push the hips up and heels down (the opposite, obviously, of Superman), don’t flex your bottom foot and voilà, a perfect plank flat and beautiful enough for the queen to eat her dinner off (feel free to select any queen of your choice)

Plank by Justine McLucas, photo by Alethea Austin

8. Cupid

A tricky one for a lot of students, Cupid is in fact a push/pull move rather than a grippy foot move. Aerial Amy has some excellent tutorials on this subject but to summarise as best I can, you need to pull on your top knee, push on your bottom foot, push the hips forward and get your body a long way from the pole rather than staying close. You can go into all sorts from here – butterfly, Marion Amber, holly drops, or just hang out and rest. You can do hands on variations, as well as holding onto the shin or ankle. And if you do this in a photo shoot, try it from the back because all that pushing and pulling and thrusting makes your arse look amazing.

Cupid by Terri Fierce, photography by Phil Darko

9. Cross ankle release

“What’s that you say? I can go upside down… from sitting?!” Why yes fair pupil mine. Yes you can.

Also known as a hangback or layback, this is another move that is scary to some, as you lean backwards unable to see where you are going. But once you find that grip, much like all of these old school moves, this is another pose that is beautiful in and of itself, but also leads into so many more gorgeous moves, from lowering into a handstand, to an iguana grip/bow and arrow, to brass monkey and Janeiro. This move is also perfect for conditioning the thigh grip and skin, which lets face it is a big part of learning a lot of the more advanced moves. Just remember to point that back toe. A flexed foot in a cross ankle release makes us want to cry.

Cross ankle release by Sam Ames. Photography by Phil Darko

10. Shoulder mount

When I first started pole, if you could shoulder mount you really were the business. At first I could not even conceive of how you lifted yourself up, backwards, over your own shoulder, and yes, it is uncomfortable at first. My favourite tip for this move is to imagine you have a laser beam shooting out of your lady parts, and you are going to shoot your beam along the floor, up the wall in front of you, and shine it straight up to the ceiling. This helps you get your hips up nice and high and into the right position. Learn how to hold a straddle first, because as soon as you get your feet on the pole you lose your shoulder grip and it’s possible to slip. There are many grips you can try, and when you are totally badass you can move on to aerial shoulder mounts and all sorts of fancy schmancy stuff… which brings us right back to those fonjis I mentioned earlier…

Shoulder mount by Lauren Cage, photography by the Image Cella

There are many more than just these ten moves. Let’s not forget the amazing basic invert into crucifix, or the joys of a perfectly executed pretty climb. Think of a ballet class, drilling the basics again and again until they are perfect, even at an advanced level. For all of us, from total beginner to champion, practice is key. Show me a beautiful Gemini and it will still take my breath away.

BEXIITA ACKLAND

In It For The Likes – A Pole Evolution

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Social media is awesome isn’t it? All those pictures to inspire you, all the lovely people you have “met” online, all the advice and support from the pole community right there at you fingertips. It’s brilliant, right?

Until it isn’t.

Until the day you feel like crap, and it reminds you that everyone else is amazing and brilliant and perfect and doing so much better than you are.

This is absolutely nonsense, you know that. You know that for every perfect pole pic you see, there are 10, 20, 30 that didn’t make the cut. You know that no one posts a status about how crap they are feeling this week, and that training left them feeling defeated and deflated and that they may as well give up. Deep down we know it’s all an illusion, that nobody is perfect.

We know all this. We know it. But we all collude in it, we all post pictures ourselves that we know were just a good angle or we harassed our poor mate to take yet another video of that combo to try to get it better this time. Behind every upload is a deleted items folder the size of Everest.

Let’s face it, social media isn’t going anywhere. So let’s look at what we can we do to make it a positive experience.

But first, an evolutionary biology lesson. Bear with me while I don my white coat and sexy specs. Listen carefully, here comes the science bit.

Not actually me. Sorry.

When humankind first roamed the earth, we only ever came into contact with a very small amount of other humans. We couldn’t just get in cars or planes and traverse this great land of ours. It was basically walking, or getting as far as you could on a horse, donkey or other poor put-upon creature that could carry people and stuff.

We lived in small communities, either nomadic tribes or settled villages, of no more than a few hundred people over the course of a lifetime, tops. Imagine living in a small community now, like many of us actually do, but with no phones, no internet, no cars, no buses, no way to leave ever.

Those people you lived with, they were your whole life, and your survival depended on getting on with them. If you were accepted as part of the tribe, you got the protection and safety of the tribe. You got food and shelter when neither were easy to come by. If you were not accepted, you could find yourself at the bottom of the pecking order, with the scraps and rejection of your elders, or even kicked out of the tribe altogether. Getting people to like you was literally the difference between life and death.

When we look at it like this, we can understand that we are DESIGNED to care what others think of us, we have evolved to try to win the approval of others, a craving for admiration and approval is built into our DNA. So next time you get a warm feeling if you get a lot of Instagram likes, or get a buzz from being Bad Kitty Pic Of The Day, or screenshot the notification that your pole idol (your tribal leader) liked your photo (and I know we alllll do that, even pole idols themselves), that is NOT vanity, that is NOT embarrassing, that my pole friends is evolution at work. You have been accepted by your tribe and your safety in the tribe has been guaranteed for another day.

Because there has to be a picture of Wonder Woman in every blog

The problem is this: our lifestyles have now evolved to a point where we do not need the approval of the tribe any more, but our DNA has not caught up. We are connected to the entire world now, meaning our tribe is no longer 40 or 50 people whom we depend upon for survival, but instead an infinite number strangers who make no difference to our lives whatsoever. It really doesn’t matter if they like us or not.

Yet science and evolution and biology and stuff is an almighty thing, and often means we irrationally do care, and give these people the power to make us feel rubbish.

This isn’t the case for everyone, and some people genuinely don’t care (those people often like to tell everyone about how much they don’t care, very loudly, just so we all know, so they must care to a degree or they wouldn’t bother telling us I suppose)

Maybe those people are some sort of hyper evolved X Men types, but for most people, getting a bit of approval from their community feels good. It must do, otherwise why has social media made such a huge impact on our lives, and become an absolutely integral and immovable part of our landscape?

Maybe we just feel it more because the pole community is very much that – a community, and that taps directly into that part out genetic make up that seeks approval and seeks comparison.

300 likes for my hamster. Did you even see my Marion Amber????

So how can we apply this to our social media use? How can this knowledge help us feel good, and get all the good bits of social media and avoid the bad bits?

Let’s break it down:

We enjoy the approval because we are programmed to. So we don’t need to feel bad about that. It’s natural. It’s how we are made. Go ahead and like your likes.

Everyone is doing it. They are doing it because they are human too, and they want approval too, even if they are a superstar pole idol (perhaps even more so, no tribal leader wants to lose their prestigious secure position).

However we don’t need to seek approval anymore. Recognise those feelings of approval, but realise they are meaningless.

Don’t let anyone else’s success make you feel bad. They are just trying to assert their safety in the tribe. Another persons progress will not affect your position in the tribe, because that tribe does not exist any more. You are programmed by nature to feel threatened, but those times are gone.  Nature can sod off, basically.

The only tribe you need to impress are your ACTUAL tribe – the family and friends around you. You know, the ones you ignore while you mess about on your phone checking your Instagram likes. See? Evolution is great for Mark Zuckerberg’s business plan, but not for you. Recognise social media for what it is, but don’t let it make you feel bad anymore.

So go ahead and enjoy your social network community. Enjoy the pics and the inspiration and the likes and the comments and the funny videos of cats and get excited by the small things, then put the phone down and go and do something else (after you’ve read my blogs, liked it, commented on it, and shared it, obviously. I’m only human after all ?).

BEXIITA ACKLAND