Tag Archives: social media

The Ten Commandments of Pole Social Media

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Written by Bexiita Ackland

There are a million articles out there on what not to do on social media. 

We all know it’s seriously uncool to do the “Grrrrrr… Some people!” status, as well as the “busy busy busy!” humble brag and the “U ok hon?” attention bait. And while your social media account is your own business, and you are free to share or not share whatever you choose, here are Ten Commandments to help you not be a total dick on social media in the world of Pole.

1 Thou Shalt Appreciate Other People’s Stuff

Comment, like, even share it. Don’t just post your own stuff and sit back waiting for plaudits. Interact with people, reply, respond, look at and comment on other peoples stuff. It’s a two way street. It’s a conversation, not a monologue, even if you are totally awesome.

2 Thou Shalt Not Drink And Internet

You would be amazed at the amount of enquiries I get late on Friday nights when people get home from the pub. I get even more on bank holidays, even on Christmas Day and New Year. An 11pm message about a new beginners’ course after a few shandies that will never amount to anything once the drink has worn off, but still we must respond to all the questions about what to wear and is everybody the size and shape of a stick insect. On the other hand if you are out on the town and taking photos of drunken splits on the dance floor, then post away 

3 Thou Shalt Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

If you are inspired by someone, or seen something you’d like to try, it’s good to share that with them. Chances are they’ll be chuffed to bits, and will probably offer you some tips if you ask. Similarly don’t rip off people’s style, creativity, choreography, ideas, or logos. Facebook, Instagram and all the rest are social networks. Networking means you give, and you take. The person you are inspired by may not have created the move, but if you saw them do it, thought hey, that’s pretty cool, and tried it, let them know. I guarantee it will make them smile. However…

4 Thou Shalt Not Be A Credit Pedant

Don’t insist that every single move ever done is referenced back to whoever did ot first, or get unnecessarily prissy about names. A simple “that looks cool, we call it a flying donut” or “it’s really similar to something we’ve been working on” will suffice rather than a demand to use its “proper” name to piss all over someone’s bonfire AND rain on their parade simultaneously. It’s highly likely that someone, somewhere in the world will have come up with a similar move to someone else at any given time. Getting into a fight over names will just alert everyone to the fact that you’re a bit petty and sad. Let people have their things. Don’t be that person.

5 Thou Shalt Throw In A Bit Of Local Colour

As we have already said, it’s your social media account, and you should share what you feel comfortable with. You should absolutely not feel pressured to share personal details of your life. But I admit I like it when the people I follow online share some local colour about their lives. We may have never met, but I love to know that as well as being a badass poler you also have a dog called Rover, kids who kick arse at basketball and you love Breaking Bad and collect stamps. There’s an element of stalking to social media and these little nuggets make us feel more like friends than internet acquaintances. I also want to see you getting drunk with your mates as it makes you seem more like me and less like an untouchable pole deity.

6 Thou Shalt Not Do That Weird Passive Aggressive Thing

“I am so proud of you, you have come so far since I taught you this in my studio and I took a photo and I showed you everything you know about pole”. Yes well done, I’m sure that person couldn’t have possibly made any progress whatsoever in their pole journey without that one time you trained together.

7 Thou Shalt Follow Beginners

Think you can’t learn anything from people who aren’t at your level? Think again. Nothing is as disappointing as normal Pole mortals who get a name for themselves, and suddenly will only interact with other big names

Of course, who you follow on Instagram is entirely your choice. Maybe you like to keep it select as a busy timeline is too addictive. Maybe you don’t like pictures of dogs or quinoa. Maybe you think you can’t learn anything from beginners. You can. Plus who knows where the next big thing will come from?

*I’m actually crap at this. I don’t check Instagram that much and often think I’m following people I’m not. So maybe this Commandment should actually be “Don’t have too many social media accounts”. Let’s face it, nobody needs Google Plus.

8 Thou Shalt Not Get Into Arguments

The Internet is a big place full of people with different opinions. Some of those people may disagree with you but still have interesting points to make. Some of those people are just dicks. In person you may have a wonderful respectful and informative discussion with someone with a different viewpoint to you, from which you may both learn something, but online you can’t convey subtleties of discussion, even with all the emoticons at your disposal. Arguing with strangers on the Internet about pole is time consuming and pointless. You won’t change anyone’s mind, and they won’t change yours. If someone is being obnoxious, chuck it in the f**k it bucket and move on.

9 Thou Shalt Use Hashtags Wisely

Here are some good hashtags to use: #pole #poledance #poleprogress #unitedbypole (you get the idea). And thanks to Shimmy we now know to add #pd to any pole dance move hashtags, ie #pdtitanic to find pics of the pole dance move titanic, rather than pictures of the doomed vessel or a young waterlogged Leonardo DiCaprio. Also check your hashtag spelling, nobody is searching Instagram for #striperheals (but maybe they should). But don’t go mad and hashtag every word #nobody #wants #to #decipher #this.

10 Thou Shalt Not Let Other People Make You Feel Like Crap.

Don’t lose sight of why you go on social media in the first place. It’s to learn, support and encourage, not to feel shit. Don’t resent other people’s achievements. Don’t just see the things you can’t do. Don’t overthink it, don’t feel you need to keep sharing ever more impressive stuff. It’s just social media. If you don’t post every day, guess what? No one minds. No one even notices. There are 7 billion people on this earth, and most of them are only too busy worrying about themselves to care what you post. Don’t let it get you down.

In It For The Likes – A Pole Evolution

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Social media is awesome isn’t it? All those pictures to inspire you, all the lovely people you have “met” online, all the advice and support from the pole community right there at you fingertips. It’s brilliant, right?

Until it isn’t.

Until the day you feel like crap, and it reminds you that everyone else is amazing and brilliant and perfect and doing so much better than you are.

This is absolutely nonsense, you know that. You know that for every perfect pole pic you see, there are 10, 20, 30 that didn’t make the cut. You know that no one posts a status about how crap they are feeling this week, and that training left them feeling defeated and deflated and that they may as well give up. Deep down we know it’s all an illusion, that nobody is perfect.

We know all this. We know it. But we all collude in it, we all post pictures ourselves that we know were just a good angle or we harassed our poor mate to take yet another video of that combo to try to get it better this time. Behind every upload is a deleted items folder the size of Everest.

Let’s face it, social media isn’t going anywhere. So let’s look at what we can we do to make it a positive experience.

But first, an evolutionary biology lesson. Bear with me while I don my white coat and sexy specs. Listen carefully, here comes the science bit.

Not actually me. Sorry.

When humankind first roamed the earth, we only ever came into contact with a very small amount of other humans. We couldn’t just get in cars or planes and traverse this great land of ours. It was basically walking, or getting as far as you could on a horse, donkey or other poor put-upon creature that could carry people and stuff.

We lived in small communities, either nomadic tribes or settled villages, of no more than a few hundred people over the course of a lifetime, tops. Imagine living in a small community now, like many of us actually do, but with no phones, no internet, no cars, no buses, no way to leave ever.

Those people you lived with, they were your whole life, and your survival depended on getting on with them. If you were accepted as part of the tribe, you got the protection and safety of the tribe. You got food and shelter when neither were easy to come by. If you were not accepted, you could find yourself at the bottom of the pecking order, with the scraps and rejection of your elders, or even kicked out of the tribe altogether. Getting people to like you was literally the difference between life and death.

When we look at it like this, we can understand that we are DESIGNED to care what others think of us, we have evolved to try to win the approval of others, a craving for admiration and approval is built into our DNA. So next time you get a warm feeling if you get a lot of Instagram likes, or get a buzz from being Bad Kitty Pic Of The Day, or screenshot the notification that your pole idol (your tribal leader) liked your photo (and I know we alllll do that, even pole idols themselves), that is NOT vanity, that is NOT embarrassing, that my pole friends is evolution at work. You have been accepted by your tribe and your safety in the tribe has been guaranteed for another day.

Because there has to be a picture of Wonder Woman in every blog

The problem is this: our lifestyles have now evolved to a point where we do not need the approval of the tribe any more, but our DNA has not caught up. We are connected to the entire world now, meaning our tribe is no longer 40 or 50 people whom we depend upon for survival, but instead an infinite number strangers who make no difference to our lives whatsoever. It really doesn’t matter if they like us or not.

Yet science and evolution and biology and stuff is an almighty thing, and often means we irrationally do care, and give these people the power to make us feel rubbish.

This isn’t the case for everyone, and some people genuinely don’t care (those people often like to tell everyone about how much they don’t care, very loudly, just so we all know, so they must care to a degree or they wouldn’t bother telling us I suppose)

Maybe those people are some sort of hyper evolved X Men types, but for most people, getting a bit of approval from their community feels good. It must do, otherwise why has social media made such a huge impact on our lives, and become an absolutely integral and immovable part of our landscape?

Maybe we just feel it more because the pole community is very much that – a community, and that taps directly into that part out genetic make up that seeks approval and seeks comparison.

300 likes for my hamster. Did you even see my Marion Amber????

So how can we apply this to our social media use? How can this knowledge help us feel good, and get all the good bits of social media and avoid the bad bits?

Let’s break it down:

We enjoy the approval because we are programmed to. So we don’t need to feel bad about that. It’s natural. It’s how we are made. Go ahead and like your likes.

Everyone is doing it. They are doing it because they are human too, and they want approval too, even if they are a superstar pole idol (perhaps even more so, no tribal leader wants to lose their prestigious secure position).

However we don’t need to seek approval anymore. Recognise those feelings of approval, but realise they are meaningless.

Don’t let anyone else’s success make you feel bad. They are just trying to assert their safety in the tribe. Another persons progress will not affect your position in the tribe, because that tribe does not exist any more. You are programmed by nature to feel threatened, but those times are gone.  Nature can sod off, basically.

The only tribe you need to impress are your ACTUAL tribe – the family and friends around you. You know, the ones you ignore while you mess about on your phone checking your Instagram likes. See? Evolution is great for Mark Zuckerberg’s business plan, but not for you. Recognise social media for what it is, but don’t let it make you feel bad anymore.

So go ahead and enjoy your social network community. Enjoy the pics and the inspiration and the likes and the comments and the funny videos of cats and get excited by the small things, then put the phone down and go and do something else (after you’ve read my blogs, liked it, commented on it, and shared it, obviously. I’m only human after all ?).

BEXIITA ACKLAND