Category Archives: Uncategorized

But First, Let Me Take A Selfie…

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Bexiita Ackland July 17, 2014

Last summer on the way back from my annual holiday, I read a piece in a magazine explaining the word “selfie” – “A photograph that you take of yourself, usually with a mobile phone. Selfies are often published using social media”.

Later that year, on November 13th 2013, Oxford Dictionaries annoucned Selfie as their International Word of the Year.

True, selfies are nothing new. I remember taking them with a pink Le Clic disc camera and getting the film developed at the local chemists only to discover that what I’d photographed was in fact a reflection of the flash in the mirror, or a dodgy shot of the ceiling fixture, complete with dangling camera wrist strap. We had a long way to go before filters, clever camera angles (double chin, begone!) and standing sideways and breathing in.

This is what we had instead of Instagram

Selfies are now a regular part of our social landscape. In fact, more photos are taken per second today than in the whole of the 18th century. I’m sure I read that somewhere.

So of course, it was only a matter of time before the phenomena reached the pole dancing world. Pole selfies –  “Pelfies” , or “Polfies” as Annemarie Davies and Nadia Sharif christened them – have taken over as the most recent “move of the moment” – and is something everyone can be part of – no matter where you are on your pole journey, be it absolute beginner or elite professional, the object of the polfie is not to shoot your best move or showcase your unique skills, but to capture the sense of fun, the spontaneity and the unique appeal of this, our topsy turvy pole world.

Annemarie Davies’ polfie

But before you embark on your quest for the perfect polfie, let me share with you my pole selfie experiences.

Firstly, consider the practicalities. You need both hands to hold a lot of moves. Even the one handed moves will usually require both hands to get into them. Anyone who has trained with Deb Roach will know how different it is to work the pole with one arm. Tucking a phone into your waistband or bra is not a reliable form of transit. Tip: Have a helpful and tolerant friend to hand you your camera. Just trust me on this. If in doubt, go for floorwork polfies.

 One thing we polers already know is the effect of gravity on our (sometimes ravaged forms). Upside down boobs can often be a good look. Even the oldest and droopiest of boobs look a lot better upside down. At least, mine do. It’s like a natural wonderbra. The reverse cleavage look is flattering for all but the largest of boobs, when suffocation may be an issue. The upside down look can also be complimentary for the face – a natural facelift, unless your cheeks are so careworn that they start sliding up over your forehead as you hang in a gemini. 

The natural muscle tone that pops out when holding your favourite pole move is another reason to love a polfie: watch in wonder as your quads, abs, traps, lats or whatever your preferred musculature is leaps to the fore, gleaming in all its buffed, pulsing wonder. What could be better?

On  side note, my own journey into the world of the polfie taught me that the pole community loves nothing more than a Wonder Woman bikini. Why do we identify so intensely with the Princess Diana of Themyscira? Maybe it’s the strength, the range of superhuman powers and superior combat and battle skills – useful tools in the arsenal of the pole dancer. Maybe it’s the shiny gold bits. Whatever it is, if you spot a sassy toned girl in a Wonder Woman bikini by the pool this summer taking a selfie, chances are she is part of the pole dancing tribe.

Pole selfies are not about vanity. They are not about showcasing your best moves. They are about capturing a moment, that spirit of the studio, your own split second in your training. Enjoy it, and have fun with it.

BEXIITA

Are We Not Drawn Onward, We Few, Drawn Onward To New Era?

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

We pole dancers, are we not drawn onward to a new era of pole moves?

OK, don’t panic. This isn’t really a poetic and pretentious blog topic about the dawning of the age of a million new pole moves. As an English scholar, former journalist and word geek, I kinda have a thing for words. This doesn’t mean I am silently judging your grammar. But it does mean I have things like a “favourite palindrome”. In fact, I have a top three. But my favourite is:

A palindrome, for those not as desperately nerdy and tragic as me, is a phrase that reads the same backwards as it does forwards. You’re checking it now aren’t you? Go on, check it. It really does. Unless I have made a typo which occasionally happens, even with grammar nazis.

But what does all this have to do with pole?

Whilst reading lists of palindromes on holiday (yes that happened), it got me thinking, about things that work backwards as well as forwards. And this applies hugely to pole.

I am a strong believer in training down as well as up. There are so many different forces at work during pole training, from strength and lifting to gravity. We all know how to work up to an invert, lifting, pushing the hips up, using the arms and the core, the change in weight distribution. But what happens when we get there? Do we – or our students – slide down the pole (controlled and steady of course), or do we unhook the legs and go back down the way we came?

I think there is great value in the slide-down-the-pole technique – it is a safe way down (tuck chin to chest, thereby arriving at the floor on your shoulders and not your head); it improves and practices grip, and teaches how to release it a little, but not too much; and it is a reassuring way down for the nervous student, easy for an instructor to spot and a good go-to comfort move for students progressing on to more inverted moves.

However, as students get stronger, I like to introduce “training down”. I don’t mean let go with the legs and *splat*. I mean engaging the core and upper body, and trying to reverse the invert, coming down slowly and controlled. Take, for example, the chopper/overhead straddle/flying V/whatever you call it. Anyway this move:

Now, this move looks great when a poler lifts into it, with straight legs from ground to air. But we also know that’s hard, and it’s much more likely that – certainly whilst learning this move – there will be an element of kicking and/or bent legs going on (I’m not going to get into whether we should or shouldn’t kick into inverts – maybe another day. But suffice to say whether we should or shouldn’t, people WILL kick into this move).

My favourite way to train for the straight leg deadlift into this move is to train DOWN. Take this position as the start, and slowly, slowly, lower down, using the abs, the arms, the shoulders, the back, hell using ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to lower, lower, lower. You may only lower a few inches before *splat*, because gravity will be pushing you down. (Don’t be hard on gravity – that’s gravity’s job. We just have to fight gravity. In a nice, pacifist way of course. Let’s not forget we need gravity for many pole moves) But the more you train this move down, the further you will get.

Now let’s apply the same principle to other moves. Before learning to handspring or ayesha, lower into those moves from an invert. That way you practice the move without relying on momentum. When you are familiar with those positions, then work on training up into them – and don’t just work on lifting up into headstands or handstands – bring them down slowly.  Don’t just kick up into handsprings, come back down in a controlled manner too. LOWER you shoulder mount until eventually you can lift it. Lower your ayesha to the ground until your can deadlift it. If you want to take it further, lower it and HOLD it there, in a shoulder mount planche, or an iron x. Go back up if you like, and lower all over again , you badass b*tch. Get into the habit of lowering EVERYTHING, every invert, every move, instead of taking the *splat* onto the crash mat option.

Remember pole is 90% training and 10% show. The final move will be a great achievement, but that isn’t what’s making you fit. The training towards it is what’s building your strength, your ability and your fitness level. Build training down into your 90% and your 10% will be easier, faster and more awesome. Make gravity your friend, make her your b*tch if you like, but make her work for you. Gravity is a law, and like all laws it can be broken. Some things work just as well backwards as they do forwards. Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era? Yes, of course we are.

BEXIITA

Top Ten Moments In Your Pole Journey

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

In everyone’s pole journey, there are those moments that make you go “Ooooh!” Moments that make you feel you are getting somewhere. Moments that add together to make a big ball of pole love. Moments that make you feel on top of the world. Following an extensive poll (or pole haha) of the worldwide pole community (ie my pole mates) by an experienced pole know-it-all (ie me), here are the most popular top ten moments in your pole journey

Except there are 11. Because I couldn’t narrow it down to 10.

1. Your first spin


It’s your first time on a pole – and your first spin. It will probably be a fireman spin (or any one of the million names this two handed cross ankle spin goes by). You may recognise this spin as the one always used by pole dancing extras in the background of strip clubs on TV.

Your feet are off the ground. You are supporting your weight, albeit briefly, with your arms. You are spinning around the pole and looking gorgeous – yes you really are, a lot more gorgeous than you know! 

Congratulations. You have taken your very first step on your pole journey.

2. Your first pole climb


What, how on earth, you want me to what?? Climb a pole? A smooth, shiny, tall narrow pole? With my legs? Which are soft and squishy and possibly not been seen in public for quite some time?

Yes. And you can do it – you just need to know how. And when you do, and you take off first one hand, and then the other, you will feel like you are standing on top of the world.

3. Your first pole sit

Owwwwwwww oww oww how on earth do you do this?! My thighs!!!

Yes we pole dancers have a somewhat masochistic streak. I promise it will get better. But for now, you are holding your body weight between your thighs, sitting beautifully and elegantly and SOMEONE TAKE A PICTURE QUICK BEFORE MY THIGHS CATCH FIRE

4. Your first invert

There’s no question – this is possibly the biggest moment in your pole journey. For some, they flip upside down first time. For others, it becomes a personal battle lasting weeks, or even months of trying. Both are completely “normal”. 

1st inverts are always a cause for celebration 

If you are struggling, take a step back and continue working on the prep and conditioning your instructor will (or should) have been working on with you, but don’t lose hope. It feels like an insurmountable mountain sometimes but it WILL happen, and then you will a) feel like an unstoppable force of nature, albeit an exhausted sweaty one, and b) panic slightly about what to do next. Which brings us to…

5. Your first “proper” move

Whether it be a Gemini, a Scorpio, a butterfly or another beautiful move from the extensive repertoire of first inverted moves, to be able to take the seeming impossibility and difficulty of actually getting upside down, and then turn it into something beautiful is a major milestone. 

Behold the face of my lovely student Sarah, who spent months saying “I’m slipping! I can’t!” before finally having the confidence to release into this perfect gemini and realise her own awesomeness. Incidentally, following this breakthrough, Sarah now gets any move I show her pretty much straight away, proving the old adage that confidence is key, especially in pole.

6. First superman

Without question, superman came up again and again as the first move that polers felt was a big move, that took them from intermediate to advanced level with a twist of the torso and a chafe of the thighs. There are a million ways to get into it (OK, not a million but at least 12) and let’s face it, it burns like holy water on Regan Macneil in the Exorcist, but when you get there you smile through the pain because YOU DID IT!!! And as you practice it, it won’t hurt any more. Promise. 

7. First nemesis move

All polers, even professional ones, will have a move that still scares them. It might be something simple. It might be something they once slipped out of or just couldn’t nail whilst everyone else was flying into first time and they got a mental block. 

Or maybe it’s just a move that eludes you, because you can’t get past the pain, or you just don’t quite bend that way, or you just can’t make sense of it. Sometimes all you need to do is leave it, come back to it in a month, a year, two years, or train with someone who can help you understand it, or you just have a good day and BOOM. Nemesis move nailed. Who ever thought you would have this one in the bag! Who ever thought you would struggle with something so simple! But there you are. That’s pole, and we are not all the same. 

8. First handspring

The thing about handsprings is, it’s all or nothing. Either you do it, or you don’t. There’s no middle ground, no – oh well, you managed to turn it into something else instead that also looked pretty. Nope, it’s handspring or bust, and it often takes a long time to learn – several huge pole icons have told me it took a year or 18 months for them to handspring. I think this is why a lot of people give up on it. 

But even if it takes you five minutes to master, it’s still a huge moment – you are holding yourself in mid air, without anything on the pole but your hands! As a beginner, this seems impossible! But here you are, you wonder of nature, doing what you never thought you could. 

Here’s (one of) my first handsprings

9. Dancing in heels

Heels may not be your thing. You may consider yourself a bona fide “pole athlete” and not feel comfortable at all with the hip rolling, floor working, hair flicking thing. And that’s fine – there are many facets to pole and nobody says you have to be queen and master of all of them. But it’s likely at some point you will have a crack at dancing in heels. And who knows what might happen?

Your legs look longer, your posture changes, you have to get a whole extra 7 inches of your heels past the pole before you can hook on. And it’s damn hard. Even if you never pole in heels again, you will undoubtedly come away from the experience with a renewed respect for the girls who make this look easy.

10. Your first pole photo shoot

Now this is a whole different ball game. It’s time to take what you have learned over the past *insert here how long you have been poling* and showcase that on film. What to wear? What poses to do? It’s a little project all on its own. And you may be surprised at how much hard work it is – after all, you might have to hold those moves longer than you usually do, and you might have to do them again and again until you get your angle right, or your hair out of your face, or you’re not grimacing. 

But when you get your photos, it will all be worth it. “Is that me?” “I never thought I could look like that!” “I had no idea I had muscles like that!” A professional photographer will capture you at your very best, and will highlight your talents in a way an iPhone in a studio just cannot.

11. Your first performance

Now we are getting to the serious end of things. At some point in your pole journey you might want to perform, Maybe you are an experienced performer. Maybe you’ve never stood on a stage in your life but hey, it’s now or never, and you’ll never make it to the X Factor finals so it’ll have to be pole. Maybe it’s a competition, or a showcase or a demonstration at a country fair. It makes no difference – you are getting up there and putting what you have learned together into a performance and experiencing a whole side of the pole world you never have before. And can we just give you a massive hand for getting up there to perform for us, for putting yourself up there to be watched and judged and owning that stage. Not everyone will do this. Not many people will do this. So massive pat on the back to you for being the one that does. We salute you. 

Did I miss any? What were the major landmarks on your pole journey?

BEXIITA

What Not To Say On Pole Pics

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Picture the scene. You have just got home from the studio, brimming with excitement and pride. You tried something new, and you nailed it. Or you came back to something you’ve always struggled with, and finally it fell into place. You showed that pole who’s in charge. You have photos and, by jingo, you are going to share them on the unholy trinity of social media – Facebook, Instagram, and even Twitter, even though you don’t entirely understand Twitter.

I know some of my pole friends will like to see this, you think. Not least the girls who were in class this evening and encouraged me every step of the way. It would be nice to share with the girl who inspired me too, with her photos. Maybe someone will have some tips to help me improve it, or know the name of it? 

Ooh, I have some comments, you think. These will be fun! You think. But wait, what’s this? This is not what I was expecting!

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the most overused things people say on pole pics. 

Is this what you’re doing for a job now?


Is that what you’d say to someone posting photos of themselves doing yoga, or gymnastics, or karate, or flower arranging, or clay pigeon shooting? No. It’s what I’m doing for fun. It’s so much fun, I thought I’d share the fun with you. It looks fun doesn’t it? Admit it. You want to come too don’t you. But you’re scared in case someone asks if this is what you’re doing for a job now.

What you really mean:  I only know and understand pole dancing as something seedy. I’m slightly intimidated that you are showing me there’s many different sides to it, but I look forward to seeing how amazing it is.

You’ve got a pole in your front room… Do you have a Czech in your garage?


… Or one of many variations on the theme that Pole is also a description for a person from Poland. Well done for dragging up some knowledge of Eastern Europe from GCSE geography. Gold star for you.

What you really mean: I find pole dancing fascinating but I don’t know how to express that without saying something inappropriate. 

“That’s not a reverse elbow grip handspring ayesha with passe legs, it’s a reverse passe legs handspring ayesha with elbow grip” (or similar)


Everyone calls different moves different things. One poler’s gemini is another’s scorpio. Usually, a chair spin is a chair spin, a shoulder mount is a shoulder mount and a superman is a superman, but pretty much everything else is a free for all. Who cares what it’s “officially” called? As long as students know what you’re talking about then it doesn’t really matter. Plus, it’s really hard to change the name of something if you have called it something else for years. It just sounds petty to call someone out on what they call a move. It’s the pole equivalent of people who criticise people’s grammar and spelling on the internet.

Instead say: That’s interesting, we call it a reverse ayesha handspring elbow grip with passe legs. Isn’t it funny how we all call things by different names?

Is this what you’re doing to protect yourself from the recession?


Yes. Invert in a baggy white t shirt and some greying shorts and watch the gold roll in. 

What you really mean: Wow that looks great. You are really getting strong. I want to say something funny and condescending to make up for the fact that I’d like to do that but I never could.

Your leg should be flatter/arm should be higher/back should be more bent

Really? come on. I’m all for constructive criticism but there’s a way to go about it without totally pissing on someone’s bonfire. Chances are, we already know our limitations, particularly with flexibility but this may be the best we can do. Should we never try this, or any move that is personally challenging again, just because we are not perfect and the “ideal” presentation of this move is not yet possible for us? Of course not. 

Instead say: I love this move, it looks amazing when the leg is flat/arm is high/back is bent. Stretching my shoulders really helped me with this move.

Put some clothes on, you’ll catch cold


Yawn. Right let’s say it again shall we? In case you missed one of the other 40 thousand times it has already been said: You need your skin exposed to grip the pole. In order to be able to grip safely and securely, we must have our thighs, arms, legs, stomach and even back exposed. Most pole dancers don’t even notice this after a while as we learn that pole is not about what your body looks like it’s about what it can do. Just cut and paste this bit and keep it in your notes to make life easier over the rest of your pole career.

Instead say: You look great in not much clothing. Go you!

Ewwww look at your mucky feet!


Well pardon me, Monica Geller. Listen: We are dancers. We sweat. We are doing sport. We do it in bare feet. Sometimes we are here for hours. Even if your house is spotless, sooner or later if you walk about on bare floors for long enough your feet will be a bit discoloured. Sometimes we go out to the car to retrieve a CD/heels/water and we don’t bother to put on shoes, because we are badass. Busy studios are filled with classes, day and night. That’s a lot of feet on floors. Dance studios are working places, filled with hard work and inspiration. Have you never seen Fame? 

We’ve just nailed a new move, we are proud, excited, exhilarated. We are doing amazing things with our bodies. And all you can see are some slightly grubby feet? If all your have to say when your mate is defying gravity and doing amazing things they are proud of is that their feet aren’t spotless, this says more about you than it does about us, darlin. Jealous much?

Instead say: Looking good. You must work really hard to be able to achieve what you have. I’m going to bleach my floor now as I have nothing better to do.

I can do that

Fair enough, this is quite sweet. Someone wants to comment on your pic but doesn’t know what to say and doesn’t want to be rude. Just say it once, and not time and time OK? same goes for…

Won’t everything fall out of your pockets?

Yes I’m upside down. Well done. But thank you for not saying something offensive, like…

I’ve got a pole even bigger than that you can have a go on

If you genuinely do have a very high pole, a professional one from a reputable manufacturer, and it’s securely fitted in an appropriate space and you are inviting me to train on it, in a professional capacity, then great! If however you are talking about your penis then I don’t think so, titch.

Instead say: You look great doing that. Who knew pole was so challenging and yet rewarding? I promise not to say anything as offensive as…

You can do that on my pole


Oh you are so witty! You must have had to build an extension to your house for all the Perrier Awards for Comedy you have won. We’ve never heard that before. Your originality is dazzling, matched only by your irresistibility with such an invitation. I’ll be right over. Because who doesn’t want someone shoulder mounting on their genitalia?

Is there a pole dancer who hasn’t heard this at least 1,459,075 times? Men: Stop it. Just – don’t.

Instead say: I’m obviously a complete idiot.

BEXIITA ACKLAND

Dos And Don’ts Of Your Pole Class

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Don’t moisturise

The most basic rule of pole, known by everyone who has taken a pole class: moisturiser is the enemy – you will slide straight off the pole. Say goodbye to soft hands, glossy skin and strokeable thighs. You won’t be needing those anyway. Welcome to a world of calloused hands, rhino skin and flaky shins. Believe me, you’ll be thankful for those tough thighs when you come to learn superman. 

Do respect the times of your class

You might not like the warm up. You might not be a fan of cardio work, or stretching, but the warm up is there for a reason. Turning up late means your body is not ready for the class, putting you at risk of injury. It’s also a distraction for everyone else as you rush in, all fabulous and fashionably late, trailing legwarmers and autograph hunters, or at least issuing explanations about vomiting children or collapsing cats. Of course everyone is late sometimes, and of course it’s not a problem and your instructor should, time permitting, be able to manage your safe warm up, but if it’s a regular thing it might be worth investing in a really big, accurate clock. Like Big Ben, for example. 

Flav is always on time to pole class

Similarly, don’t turn up unannounced 45 minutes early, when your instructor may be holding a private lesson, having a meeting, catching up with paperwork or preparing the studio for your class – unless you are happy to get on the rubber gloves and help. Studios take a lot of work to run smoothly, and there is more admin than you can possibly imagine. If you are going to be early, drop your instructor a text. More often than not, she or he will be happy to hang out and chat, but it’s best just to check.

Don’t adjust the heating or air conditioning 

If you are too hot, or cold, please ask your instructor to adjust the temperature – please don’t do it yourself! If you turn off the heating and we don’t know, then in the classes following yours the studio will be cold. It is important to maintain the correct temperature from a safety point of view – muscles respond to temperature, and cold muscles are more prone to damage. Also, even though you may be too hot, the rest of the class may be cold. You wouldn’t adjust the thermostat in your friends’ house unless you are a weirdo. Ask your instructor.


Do make sure you are paid up or have your money

“Hello barman, I’d like a bottle of Bollinger, a Grey Goose and a packet of cheese and onion crisps please. Only can I pay you next week because I left my purse in the car and I don’t get paid until next week”.

“Why yes! After all I don’t have bills to pay and I’m not offering any sort of skilled expertise or quality product”.

Do I need to say anything else?

Listen: As with all of these points, if you communicate with your instructor, depending on your school’s policy, more often than not an arrangement can be reached. But if you regularly turn up without money, make me chase you for weeks or in the case of one notorious non-payer I once had, actually go to the cash point and “accidentally” only withdraw half the money and then suddenly forget the PIN you entered not 30 seconds ago, you make yourself look untrustworthy, and you are insulting the majority of students who pay on time, promptly and without being chased. That shows respect. And respect gets you a long way. 

Don’t use spray tan

Or should this be “don’t lie about using spray tan”.

Picture the scene: strangely orange student with muddy looking knees, elbows and tell tale tide marks around the ankles is slipping all over the place. 

“Why am I so slippy today?!” she wails. 

“Your spray tan has made your skin slippy, in much the same way moisturiser would. No big deal, let’s work on something that doesn’t require so much grip this week”

“But I’m not wearing fake tan!” she protests.

Oh sweetie. We can see it. We can smell it. It smells like biscuits and wafers. You may have had it done several days ago and your skin may be squeaky clean, but when you work up a sweat, your spray tan comes out of your pores and makes you slip. It’s possible to get a fantastically flawless spray tan rather than a dodgy, speckled, neapolitan ice cream combo of white, brown and furiously scrubbed pink bits, but even the flawless ones won’t help your grip. If you must tan, it’s going to happen. So maybe this should be: Don’t be surprised if you use fake tan and slip.

I don’t use spray tan, this is my natural colour, I can’t even with the fake look

Do share the space

Two to a pole can be great fun. You get to hang out with your pole buddy, learn from each other, share tips, take photos, have a breather in between moves and enjoy all sorts of awesomeness. But no one likes a pole hogger. Respect the space, take turns, but don’t panic about taking your time either. Don’t feel you have to rush through the move so your partner can have their turn. With any luck you’ll fall into a natural rhythm that suits you both. As a rule of thumb, having 2 or 3 goes at a move is about right before swapping. And don’t forget to share any tips you might have with your partner as you learn… but…

Don’t teach

You are paying a not insignificant amount of money for someone’s expertise. That fee is justified by extensive qualifications and training, masterclasses, workshops, experience, training and insurance (amongst other things – for more on the value of good pole classes, read my blog on Pole Doesn’t Grow On Trees here). If you have some helpful tips, please share them, and offer support to your fellow students. But there is a fine line between this and instructing someone based on something you have done before or have seen on YouTube. Your pole buddy may not be ready for it, or may have an injury or an issue which your instructor knows about but you don’t. Don’t be scared to offer help, or spot moves if your instructor has shown you how to do this safely, but remember that you are paying your instructor for a reason. Leave the teaching to them.

Do take care of personal hygiene

This is an obvious one you would think wouldn’t you. And I would like to thank all my lovely sweet smelling students who endlessly apologise when they start sweating in class (that’s what you are meant to do!) and warn me when I approach them to spot them in a move, despite the fact that they don’t smell unpleasant at all.

Let’s get this straight: fresh sweat doesn’t smell bad.  It’s the sign of a hard workout, of determination, the smell of a thousand gyms and studios throughout the land. As a fitness instructor, I’m used to it. It’s normal and acceptable. Here’s what’s not: cheesy feet, bad breath, body odour, a basic lack of hygiene. Honestly? These students are few and far between. But for those few, a quick shower once a day is enough to take care of all these issues. It’s not hard guys. 

Don’t talk when your instructor is teaching

Talking over your teacher makes it difficult for the other students to hear, distracts the instructor and means that you won’t hear what you are being taught either. When the instructor is supposed to be spotting other students in the move they just taught and supervising their technique, you’ll find yourself asking him or her to go through everything again because you missed it, which is disrespectful to those who were listening and who need your instructor’s attention. And if you have just arrived for your class and are waiting for the class before yours to finish, don’t chat all through their lesson and cool down. There are only three acceptable reasons to interrupt your instructor: to ask for further explanation, if it’s snowing, or if a celebrity has just died.  

Do tidy up after yourself 

Drinks bottles, sweet wrappers, used plasters, liquid chalk, cigarette butts outside… students, I love you dearly but I am not your mother. Please use the bins provided and leave the space as you found it. This blog is making me sound like a nagging old bag now. I don’t mean to. Things that are acceptable to leave at the studio: heels, glittery things, sexy shorts, sequins, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, your dignity, naked photos of Justin Timberlake. 

Don’t worry about what you, or anyone else, looks like

I don’t care that you have borrowed your boyfriend’s boxers, or the only shorts you have are pyjama bottoms. I don’t care that your T shirt isn’t from MilaKrasna. I don’t care if you are carrying a few extra pounds, or have had eating disorders in the past, or issues with self harming, or stretch marks or scars or any of the things you might be worried about. I just care that you are there. I think that’s an amazing step to take and I will provide you with a safe and non judgmental environment to continue taking those steps. Think about it – are you looking at everyone else and judging them? No. And they are not judging you either, I promise. 


Do take photos 

Taking photos is a great learning tool. It’s the easiest way to track progress, to see how your gemini now varies from your very first one, how much your flexibility has improved, or how much that old hair colour absolutely did not suit you. Photos are also a great communication tool – when you are upside down clinging on for dear life, your instructor’s cry of “leg down! leg down!” is likely to make less sense than those websites helping you with HTML. But with a photo in front of you, your teacher can point to the leg in question, and explain where she would like to see it instead. Ahhhh it makes sense now! Photos are also great when you want to revisit a move but can’t remember the name. “Can we do that one where you’re upside down and your leg is on the pole and the pole is here… or is it there… and the arm is up here somewhere and oh I can’t even remember it now…” A photo here saves everyone’s time and sanity. Plus, it’s always amusing to look at what people are doing in the background. Just don’t get distracted by text messages, Snapchat and Facebook. 

Do listen to your body

If you are ill, stay at home. If you are injured, communicate with your instructor so he or she knows your limitations. If you hurt yourself in class, let your teacher know, but listen to your body. Pole does hurt, it burns and it’s tough, but there’s a normal amount of healthy struggle, and there’s harming yourself. That whole “pain is failure leaving the body” stuff is crap. Your instructor is not a doctor. They can help and advise you, but only you know how something truly feels, and if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Nothing is worth risking injury, not even conquering that nemesis move.

Don’t rush to get ahead 

Pole is a journey. A wonderful journey built on a foundation of core moves. If I had one piece of advice for students it would be this: slow down. Spend time nailing each move, perfecting it and holding it, not rushing onto the next one. I know it’s tempting to want to invert on week one and handspring on week two but there is no rush – you are in competition with nobody. You have the rest of your life to spend on this journey. Savour it, enjoy it, and you will be a far better poler for it.

Pole Picture Perfect

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Photo shoots – the amount of planning that goes into them can sometimes rival that of a wedding. Spray tans, lashes, costumes, hair, make up, and that’s before you even get to the most important bit, the actual pole moves themselves. Having done so many pole photo shoots now that social media is about ready to kill me, here are my top ten tips to make your big day go with a bang. Or rather, a flash.

1. Make a list

The most obvious point, but it’s surprising how many times people turn up to a shoot with no list of moves, or a list in their heads. If you have that sort of memory, great, but without a list your photographer or assistant can’t see what moves you are talking about and trying to achieve. For most shoots you get an allocated amount of time, and when a photographer is shooting 20 or 30 dancers, that time has to be pretty rigidly stuck to so that the whole two day shoot doesn’t overrun. Don’t waste your precious and expensive time saying “What’s that move where you leg is like this and your arm is like that and you’re sort of splitty but not really…”

If you don’t know the names of moves, just have photos on your phone or printed out, even if they are crappy images. We can see exactly what you are trying to do at the angle you mean in an instant.

Have a list, dress comfortably, keep warm and stretch

2. Turn up naked

OK, don’t actually turn up naked, but think loose and comfortable clothes, that will keep you warm and able to stretch. Don’t wear anything prior to the shoot that will leave marks on your body – tight seams on leggings, ankle socks, bra straps, tight knickers and hairbands round your wrist will all leave marks that last for hours.  Technically your photographer can edit these out, but wouldn’t you rather they were editing your bootilicious bod to flawless perfection instead of those lines round your ankles?

3. Labels suck

Even designer labels suck. Get rid of them. Peel the sticky label off the bottom of your shoes the second you get them out of the box. Cut the labels out of all your outfits – crop tops, bra tops, shorts, knickers – everything. Technically these COULD be photoshopped out by your photographer, but only if photo editing is included in the price, and why make life difficult? You already know your shoe size, and the washing instructions will only say “hand wash only”, which let face it you’ll ignore and shove it in the washing machine anyway, so you don’t need the labels. Snip them off. All labels – begone.

4. It’s all about angles

Pole is all about angles – much like football and sex, as one old friend helpfully told me (yeah, it was that sort of friend). Practice which way to invert so you are facing the right way for your shot. The backdrop is static so the photographer can’t move about too much to get the right angle. On your list of pole poses, next to each move draw an arrow to indicate which way you should face to invert or climb or whatever. The hardest bit of pole moves is getting into them, so minimise that bit as much as you can. Invert only once and save your energy for being as fabulous as possible in your move.

Angles. All the time.

Just because a move look impressive in the studio or on stage, it does’t necessarily mean it will make a good photo. Beware of moves that truncate your limbs and chop you off at the knee or elbow (cross knee release, Q, dangerous bird), poses that shorten your arms, legs or torso (superman front on), or are less than flattering to your stomach (oh so many!). Angles are always key, but some moves just don’t translate that well, especially (creepy word alert!) gusset exposure moves. I’ve never managed to get a nice photo of a teddy or a wrist seat without it looking gynaecological, though I’m sure it’s possible. Work your clothes too – many pole outfits have pretty detailing at the back, so think about moves that look nice from behind – allegra, Q, pole climbs, crucifix hang, genevieve – and show off your costume and back muscles. If you have a nice bum, or arms, or calves, or earlobes (what? It could happen) work your angles and find a way to show them off.

5. Don’t worry about slipping

If you are slipping in a move, just hold it. You can still get a good photo, and it won’t show that you are slipping. If however you start yelling “I’m slipping! Oh my gawd I’m slipping! Argh!” then that shot is ruined. Keep your face serene, don’t talk, just slide gracefully to the ground.

6. Fuel up

Make sure you eat well before your shoot. Everyone wants to look their best but if you crash diet before your shoot you will have no energy and be unable to do your moves. Don’t underestimate how gruelling a shoot can be, and fuel up accordingly. Don’t cut out food groups, ramp up the protein, stay away from sugar and foods that bloat you, bring loads of water, and bury your face in a mountain of chocolate afterwards.

7. Create a playlist

It is sometimes possible to play your own music at a shoot. Load up your iPod with songs that get you in the mood to get your pole on, and bring it along to your shoot. It can make the world of difference, especially if you are feeling nervous. Just don’t forget it afterwards and remember halfway along the motorway like I always do.

8. Work with your photographer

It’s the photographer’s job to make you look fabulous, with flattering lighting and creative input, but it’s your job to be prepared. Turn up ready, warmed up, stretched, and list in hand, and tell the photographer what it is you want. You can keep it super simple, with one uncomplicated outfit, or mix it up with costume changes. You can go for a theme, or a high concept shoot with props and make up and effects. Listen to your photographer and work with him or her to create what you want.

Don Curry brings out the sexy

9. Keep it simple

Remember, often the simple poses are the most beautiful and effective. A pretty pole sit, a pin up pose, a sexy bum shot, a hair flicky climb, a beautifully held gemini. Don’t feel you have a crack out championship poses. It’s much nicer to have a photo where you look happy, relaxed and comfortable in a pose, than one where your veins are popping out on your neck and you are grimacing from exertion. You are already on a pole, and that’s impressive enough – don’t feel like you will be judged for your move.

10. It’s your shoot – enjoy it!

It’s normal to feel nervous and excited before a shoot, especially if it’s with a well-known photographer. But don’t feel intimated – this is YOUR shoot, you have paid your money and you deserve a fantastic shoot as much as everyone else. Never feel pressured to perform for the photographer or compare yourself to anyone else on the shoot – no one is there to judge you. Photo shoots are for everyone, and not just for the super advanced – and that includes YOU, even if you only have 3 moves. Enjoy your moment.

BEXIITA ACKLAND

8 Things To Think About Before Competing In Pole

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Written by Bexiita Ackland

Competing in pole has become big business. What was once something only for the elite and/or crazy has become commonplace, with more and more reputable local and regional competitions, and with a wider range of competitions incorporating different styles of pole. From pole athletics to stripper style and everything in between, there is now a well organised and prestigious competition for you. Sometimes it feels like every person in every class you take has competed, is competing, or is planning to compete. And that’s totally brilliant – competing can take you to places you never imagined, pushing you physically and mentally. But is competing for you? Once you make the frankly pant wettingly scary decision to get up on stage, a whole world opens up to you which is hard to comprehend until you are actually part of it. Here are eight things to consider before making that decision and taking to the stage: 1. Can you afford it? The costs of competing can potentially be huge. Costumes are anywhere from around the £40 mark if you are canny/lucky on eBay, and up to £100-£200 for a bespoke outfit (that’s around $150-$300 for my American friends). Add on to that the costs of private or extra lessons or workshops you may want to book to polish up your tricks, the costs of hiring a space or studio to practice your routine or film your video heat, plus the costs of travelling to such sessions and things start to add up. That’s before we even get to the hair, make up, nails and so on – I’ve seen pre-comp beautifying to rival most weddings. However, like weddings, competing can be done on a budget – if you are handy with a needle you can create a wonderful costume yourself which will stand out as not being yet another creation by the designer du jour, and of course you can do your own hair and make up (or go with a caveman/Wild Woman of Borneo theme that requires no beautifying at all). You may have free access to your own space or own pole to practice, so practice may not cost your too much money at all. However there’s no way to get away from…. 2. Do you have the time? Do not underestimate how much of your time competing will take up. Do you have friends, family or any sort of a social life? Do you hear that whooshing sound? That’s the sound of your social life disappearing. You may be a natural and come up with a whole routine in an hour or two, but most people spend a lot of time sitting on the floor with a notepad, planning combos, scribbling things out, writing new combos, screwing up bits of paper, considering burning the entire notebook and studio to the ground, starting again from scratch and then ending up with something completely different weeks later. All of this faffing about will take up huge amounts of your spare time. You may also take up other sports on your non-pole days to help with strength or cardio when you realise how much stamina a whole routine requires (this is when pole dancers fall in love with swimming, running and crossfit). You may take up a stretch or yoga class to help with flexibility, because let’s face it flexibility always adds a wow factor to routines. And after all the time physically taken up, it will also take up all your time in your head. Don’t even bother trying to have a conversation with a pole dancer a week before they compete, unless you want to talk about glitter, tendons, the unquantifiable amount an unfamiliar pole might spin and whether to step first with the left or right leg. Seriously, the week before I compete, I bore even myself. Of course, you may thrive on the focus and thoroughly enjoy the discipline of planning your life and managing your time effectively. The process of creating a routine is undoubtedly hugely rewarding and enjoyable, and a much better use of time than watching crap TV. On the other hand, if you have no friends or social life whatsoever, you are a perfect candidate for competing. 3. What about significant others? OK so most people do have friends and a social life, and possibly a significant other and even children. These people are going to bear the brunt when you are tired, injured, stressed, nervous and trying not to eat chocolate. Is that going to make your life difficult? For the last four weeks or so before your competition, will your family be understanding that you will be training a lot and not at home? I’m not saying that you should put your dreams on hold, but it’s probably a good idea to brief/warn everyone concerned beforehand. Do you have a good support network around you? Will someone be there for you when you are crying over crystals? It can happen. Do you have someone to go to for advice about music cutting or costume designing, or someone to warn you against capes, skirts or props? (Seriously, think twice about wearing a skirt). And do you have someone to remind you that it’s only a competition for goodness sake, chill out and eat the chocolate?

4. Are you emotionally ready? Are you prepared for what you will go through and the questions you will ask yourself? When you are tired and drained, sore and aching, with creativity flowing from every pore leaving you emotionally open, it’s not unusual to ask some pretty soul-searching questions Am I good enough? Should I be doing more? Why didn’t I start training splits years ago? Why is everyone is better than me? Remember that bit about sitting on the floor with a notepad putting your routine together, only to realise you have far exceeded your capabilites? That’s when all the ghosts of pole appear to let you know just how rubbish you are The main thing to remember here is that this is NORMAL. Here’s a secret: everyone feels like that sometimes. Everyone wonders if they are good enough. Everyone questions themselves and worries they will mess up and embarrass themselves. Take a deep breath, speak to your pole instructor or fellow students or someone in the industry you admire or respect or just think will be nice to you. And for goodness sake, don’t start obsessing about what your fellow competitors are doing and comparing yourself to them. You are you, and they are them. Believe me, deep down, they are thinking the same thoughts. 5. Are you physically ready? Depending on the level you are competing at, competing can put a strain on the body. Are you healthy and reasonably fit? Do you have any underlying medical conditions that mean when you are tired and stressed, your health is put in danger? I do not for a moment mean you cannot compete if this applies to you. Rather, I mean you need to be aware of this, listen to your body and manage your training appropriately. You might also use the process as an opportunity to improve your general health and nutrition – healthy eating will undoubtedly help your with your training, and having your performance as a goal can be a great incentive to improve your overall fitness. Make sure, however, this is a by product of your training, and not the sole incentive. It is not a good idea to compete “because that way I will have to lose 2 stone by July”. Also remember that cake, chocolate, chicken wings, doughnuts and eating out with friends is lovely and enjoyable, and also that you do not get scored onstage for your thighs. 6. Are you doing it for the right reasons?

Also known as why are you doing it? There are many brilliant, positive reasons to compete. To push yourself with your training. To set yourself a challenge. To take yourself further along your pole journey. To inspire your students or family. Because it looks like fun.  There are also reasons to compete which are based in negativity – To prove a point. To “show someone”. For the glory. Because you’ll definitely win. Competing is always a risk, but if your reasons to do so are based in positivity, then whatever the outcome it will still be a positive experience. If however you are going through the whole thing – the work, the stress, the training, the expense – for a negative reason… I don’t have to spell it out do I. 7. Will you enjoy it? Your performance itself will last a matter of minutes, but can be hugely intense. Your training can last months. Will you enjoy both? Personally I like performing, but the training – n ot so much. Others are the other way around, and love working towards a goal but are terrified on stage. Training when you’re not in the mood or it’s snowing outside or you’re as stiff as a board can make you just want to lie on the sofa watching X Factor, or it can take you to a wonderful place of zen and sense of achievement. If you have not enjoyed the process, or appearing on stage, it will show in your performance. Similarly, if you have loved every minute, that will ooze out of your performance and pour all over the judges and crowd like that stuff in the 50s B-movie The Blob, but make them enthralled and fill them with joy rather than terror and fear. 8. How important is it to you to place? If you give your all to your training, focus your time, pour your heart and soul into your routine, give it everything you’ve got on stage and then place much lower than you were hoping or expecting, how are you going to feel about that? How will you feel if you come last?

It’s normal to experience post-comp blues, even if you are happy with the result. Competing can become such a massive thing and not having it any more can leave a void. But will you still be feeling those blues next week, next month, next year? Will it put you off competing altogether? Remember, competing and judging is subjective. Who can know what makes up the “best” routine? On another day, you may have placed higher or lower. Of course, you want to do your best, and it’s natural and human to want to do well. But if you are placing your self worth on doing well, you are putting yourself in a dangerous position, both mentally and emotionally. If you can genuinely say that as long as you did your best and where you place is just a bonus, then you are in the right frame of mind. Go ahead, and make it your time to shine. Your stage is waiting.

Ten things to do from the very beginning of your pole journey

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

Ah, your first time on a pole. Can you remember yours? Chances are, you were smitten from the very start. And whether you are still an absolute beginner, or you are now years down the line, you will have invariably learned a great deal, not only on the pole, but about the process of learning itself, and how to be a better poler. Here are ten things I wish I’d known from the very start of my pole journey. 1. Train both sides Without doubt, this is the single biggest thing every poler wishes they had done from the start, so let’s start with this one. Train. Both. Sides. Even if you don’t read the rest of this piece, take this piece of advice with you, tuck it in your hotpants and keep it there. Take it to every lesson, as reliably as you take your grip aids and water. Think about it. Everything feels weird at first. So it may as well fell weird on both sides. Even left handed people will be stronger on the right If that’s how they learn, and vice versa. It’s not so much to do with your dominant side as it is to do with muscle memory and what you are used to. So you may as well get used to your “bad” side from the start. When you become more advanced and want to start linking moves together, finding that you are ending up on your bad side for a brass monkey or Ayesha or whatever can put an end to the combo of your dreams. If only you could do it both sides! And of course, training both sides means you won’t end up lopsided, with one bicep like Popeye and one like Olive Oyl. But quite apart from that, having even strength will prevent injury and help with balance and even weight distribution.   I do teach everything both sides now. Everyone moans and hates me for it, but in a few years when they want to iron X on the left I can at least say I tried to take them to the dork side. Both sides people! Got it? Good. Let’s move on. 2. Stretch In many ways when you are a beginner you are the perfect candidate for stretching. More often than not, a beginners basic level of flexibility will not be massively high, and increasing flexibility will possibly be one of the things that is attractive about pole. It’s a bit like a yoga class but with more fun stuff and less philosophy, right?? And all the other beginners will have a similar level of flexibility and not be all scarily intimidating. OK, there’s usually some bendy circus type freak – but apart from them, most beginners are not doing the splits, bending in half backwards or even able to touch the floor, so making stretches a part of your regular warm up and and cool down is going to make a difference. The problem is when those stretches don’t change and develop as your flexibility increases, taking your flexibility to the next level. When you are super comfortable with your jade, Allegra, cocoon or whatever, you are going to want it to look flatter, more splitty, more bendy. Wouldn’t it be great if you had already been working on that flexibility for months, rather than waiting until you achieved the move? But flexibility isn’t just to make moves look amazing. It helps to make holds strong, and prevent injury. As you build muscle and get stronger, those muscles become bigger and bulkier, and flexibility is often compromised as a result. This can cause issues with range of movement, making certain moves potentially painful or at risk of causing harm. Typically pole dancers build muscle around the shoulders and upper body, which is great and we all love memes of Barbie dolls with massive biceps, but without consistent stretching those muscles will reduce shoulder rotation and flexibility. Congratulations, you are strong and bendy enough in your back to do a seahorse, a dove, an eagle, a Phoenix! Oh though. You need someone to push that shoulder round. Stretch after EVERY pole lesson, especially those shoulders.

3. See pole dancing performed at a show or competition First and foremost, shows and competitions are BRILLIANT. You get to hang out with cool people who don’t mind that you bang on about pole endlessly, and there’s always loads of good stuff to buy. But for a bit of inspiration, you cannot beat watching others perform for a crowd. It’s totally different from what you see in a pole studio, showing the difference between exercise and fitness, and an actual performance. It doesn’t even have to be a massive national competition. Go to a small local competition, or a showcase, or even a strip club. See how your sport looks when it is polished and practiced and covered in sparkles. You will come away with ideas for things you haven’t tried before. You may even be inspired to give it  go yourself. 4. Spinny pole Spinny pole seems to be something that is considered to be for advanced students only (and Australians). Outside of the occasional lesson or one-off work shop, It’s rare to find beginners regularly practicing the art of the spinning pole. What tends to happen is someone buys their own pole, puts it on spin mode, jumps on and spins at 800 rpm, tries to invert, feels sick, has to go and lie in a darkened room with a cup of tea until the world stops moving, then declares “I hate spinny pole” and never does it again. But what shame! spinny pole is a wondrous thing of joy and beauty! If only polers were introduced to the delights of controlled spinning early on and practiced it regularly. Just look at the Australians. They train on spin from the start and make it look easy and amazing. Who doesn’t want to look like Maddie Sparkle on a pole? Nuff said. Get dizzy bitches.

5. Find your own style When you start pole and eagerly, excitedly, breathlessly check out alll the polers on social media, you’d be forgiven for feeling a bit disheartened at the sight of thousands of girls doing amazing things with the caveat “sorry for my rubbish phoenix/crap splits/poor iron x”, especially when you’ve only just learned your first spin. Being good at pole takes time, patience and perseverance. Some students have a background in dance, gymnastics or even contortion, and they will pick things up fast and make them look awesome, but most are average women or indeed men who are not taking the pole world by storm just yet but they are making amazing progress and getting stronger and fitter week by week. Everyone’s journey is different. Find your own style. Don’t try to be like someone else, not your teacher, not your classmates, not your pole idol. It’s fine to be inspired and influenced but there is only one you. Don’t push yourself too hard. Be kind to yourself. Appreciate different strengths and weaknesses and that you don’t have to excel at everything. Spins, floor work, inverting, climbing, spinny poles, combos, flexibility… there are so many disciplines. Be encouraging and supportive and you will be encouraged and supported. And if not, you are in the wrong training space 6. Find a good teacher Or rather, find the right teacher for you. You don’t have to stay at one studio out of loyalty. Maybe you want to work on slinky floor work but your school is more about conditioning or vice versa. If you feel that you could benefit from another teaching style, it’s OK to train somewhere else. There’s no reason you can’t go to two different schools and get the best of both worlds. Even if you train alone, you can still benefit hugely from masterclasses, workshops, pole jams, private lessons or the odd group class elsewhere. 7. Take photos. Taking photos is a great learning tool. It’s the easiest way to track progress, to see how your gemini now varies from your very first one, how much your flexibility has improved, or how much that old hair colour absolutely did not suit you. Photos are also a great communication tool – when you are upside down clinging on for dear life, your instructor’s cry of “leg down! leg down!” is likely to make less sense than those websites helping you with HTML. But with a photo in front of you, your teacher can point to the leg in question, and explain where she would like to see it instead. Ahhhh it makes sense now! Photos are also great when you want to revisit a move but can’t remember the name. “Can we do that one where you’re upside down and your leg is on the pole and the pole is here… or is it there… and the arm is up here somewhere and oh I can’t even remember it now…” A photo here saves everyone’s time and sanity. Plus, it’s always amusing to look at what people are doing in the background. Just don’t get distracted by text messages, Snapchat and Facebook.

8. Freestyle, and dance it out. There’s more to pole than just tricks and competitions. Freestyling is a thing, but it’s unlikely this will be taught at the average pole school, as it’s such a personal thing, and it feels weird to pay for classes but essentially be told to make it up as you go along. You can dance without learning what to do first , you can just let yourself move and flow and roll on the floor and spin and see what happens. Many, many advanced student never learned the art of freestyle, and can drop a fonji without breaking a sweat but freak out at the thought of a two minute freestyle, Add a movement flow practice at the end of every session and learn how your body moves. Do it in the dark if you feel self conscious, or even blindfolded. It will make a world of difference. 9. Don’t get into bad habits Don’t flex your feet. Don’t run and jump into inverts. If you do get to a level where you want to perform, compete, or even teach, it’s going to be really hard to break those habits. No one is saying you have to be perfect, and every invert must be deadlifted with perfect straight legs from day one (a pretty unreasonable expectation for most), but as soon as you are strong enough, get into the habit of doing moves to the best of your ability. It’s harder to do it that way because you are using more effort and muscle technique. So guess what – doing it that way all the time will give you a killer workout, washboard abs, thighs like Wonder Woman and buttocks you could crack walnuts with. Who doesn’t want that? 10 feel free to ignore all of this completely Let’s face it most people go pole for a fun fitness class. For most, getting to a competition level or even an advanced level of pole is not really a priority. If you just want to turn up once a week and have a great time having fun with a bunch of like minded individuals and at the same time get a bit fitter and stronger, that’s absolutely brilliant. Do not feel you need to embody those bullying “you just have to keep pushing yourself” memes. You only have to push yourself as far as you want and do what you want. So feel free to ignore all of this advice completely, and make pole your own personal Journey. But seriously. Train both sides.   BEXIITA ACKLAND

Break Dance (Or Rather, Bruise Dance)

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

I once broke  my foot whilst teaching a pole dancing class. I did a cartwheel and landed awkwardly, and my 5th metatarsal (made famous by David Beckham in the 2002 World Cup) snapped like a twig. It sounded like a twig snapping anyway, or possibly a lolly stick. I also bruise very very badly, especially when in training. Those of a nervous disposition may want to look away now.

When this photo was published in a blog, it was inundated with comments from readers concerned for my health and personal wellbeing. (I’m OK guys, I just bruise very easily). DO NOT WORRY. You will not end up with legs like this just because you pole dance. Let’s take this picture as testament to my clumsiness, awkwardness, lifelong tendency to bruise badly, and a habit of continuing to train long after I should really go home for a nice cup of fruit tea and a hot bath. But the fact is, while broken bones and serious injuries in pole are thankfully rare, minor injuries – bruises, abasions, body parts that just feel “a bit ruined” – are pretty much part and parcel of what we do.   So, ladies and gentlemen, with this in mind, I present, for your delight and delectation, the roll call of pole dancing injuries. Gaze on in wonder as your image of pole dancing as an easy leisure pursuit or male fantasy vanishes before your eyes! Marvel at complicated ways to injure your body you never thought possible! Admire the women who put themselves through such things, and then photograph it and upload it to Facebook!What’s interesting is how much people love a dramatic injury. Nothing gets people quite so excited as a photo of an injured body part on social media. There could be a number of reasons for this: a genuine interest and concern for your fellow poler’s health from friends and wellwishers (possible) or that people love reading about pain and suffering and misfortune (much more likely). Pole dancing is hardcore. When starting out on the pole odyssey (by which I mean starting lessons but let’s make it sound Herculean) most students are surprised to find pole dancing is difficult, and it hurts. This is one of the reasons polers can be so defensive, and get annoyed when it isn’t taken seriously as a sport The first thing to deal with are the bruises. Pole dancers can spot other pole dancers a mile away. A rash of little bruises sweeping up the inner thigh? Superman. Top of the foot where your flip flop sits? Learning to climb. (There was a girl on The Apprentice in the UK a few years ago who wore a skirt one week and revealed some very suspicious looking bruises to the beady-eyed pole enthusiast)

Did I mention I bruise quite easily?

Pretty soon on your pole adventure you will come across pole burn – friction burns caused by skin-on-pole contact. This little pleasure really comes into its own when learning to pole sit. Oh, to hold your entire body weight clenched between your inner thighs! This is where it’s good to carry a little bit of meat on your thighs – more to grip with. I call this my KFC Pouch. Watch in awe as ladies climb, sit, hold, release and rub their inner thighs in agony whilst taking the Lord’s name in vain and cursing all his cherubim and seraphim to high heaven. You may also come across the joys of floor/carpet burns when landing your spins. And it’s not just knees – when executing a floor move pushing back from a press-up position I have experienced carpet burn on the chin – which is not easy to explain at the school PTA meeting. For those who still maintain pole dancing is about titillating men, ladies and gentlemen I bring you callouses. Spinning around the pole will wear the skin on your hands – and when your spins get fast, you will wear the skin harder, until eventually a little line of callouses will develop. These may extend to the little patch of skin on the inner side of your wrist. These double up as exfoliating pads when treating your significant other to a nice scratchy massage. Callouses are good and are to be encouraged as they will protect your hands, in much the same way a guitarist must develop callouses on their fingers to hold down the strings. If you pole dance a lot, the delicate skin on your inner thighs may start to toughen up too. My inner thigh skin resembles rhino hide, and it no longer tans in the sun, but on the plus side, I can hold both my and my doubles partner’s entire body weight on my thighs without even wincing, so every cloud.

One day, you too can have thighs that are a different colour to your body

If you still think pole dancing is sexy, let’s talk about dry skin – moisturising will cause you to slip off the pole. Oh and some find stubbly legs grip the pole better – like velcro, possibly. On the other hand, all that walking about in shorts means bikini waxes are a regular feature, so there may be a porn-star-Hollywood meets Wild Woman of Borneo dichotomy going on. It can also help to keep your nails short. When changing grips and body position you may find your hand ends up somewhere it doesn’t normally go, and gouging a chunk of flesh out of your thigh (or worse) is not much fun. This goes double if you have – well – a doubles partner, or if you are an instructor. Carving into someone else’s flesh isn’t pleasant for anyone. All this, plus the fact that it’s obviously uncomfortable to wrap your nice soft body around a metal pole and stay there. New students often say “Is that right? It feels weird” and it does – because really, when would you have ever done anything similar before? On the plus side, you see a difference in muscle tone fast, within six weeks or so, and learn something new each week. You see your strength increase much faster than in any other fitness class I’ve been to, and all of the above hazards decrease as you perfect your technique. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just clumsy. I’m the one with a million bruises after all. BEXIITA

Pole Pancake Day – Things To Give Up On The Pole For Lent

  By bexackland@ntlworld.com • November 20, 2020

This week was Pancake Day, and like everyone else I went to pole class filled with basically lemon, sugar, chocolate spread, chopped nuts and ice cream wrapped in a small bit of batter in the name of tradition. Traditionally the day to use up all the fats and good stuff (yes OK, bad stuff) in the house before the fasting of the 40 days of Lent commences, Pancake Day (Or Shrove Tuesday or Mardi Gras, or Maslenitsa if you are Pagan) is also traditionally a time to give up all sorts of other bad stuff, typically chocolate, alcohol or smoking. Here’s the thing. I don’t actually want to give any of that stuff up. I mean, I could, if I really wanted to, give up Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. But I don’t want to, so I’m not going to. However, there are plenty of things we could all give up without having to go without the fun stuff. In fact, it won’t take much effort at all, and will make pole training lots lots better. What’s not to love?

Happy Pancake (stretch) Day

Saying “I can’t…” We all know this one. I can’t do that. I haven’t tried yet, but I know I can’t. Or I tried it once, and it didn’t go too well, so I definitely won’t be able to do it now. WRONG. Pole is all about perseverance. Try, try, try again. you have good days and bad days, so if something doesn’t work today, come back to it another day. Get your instructor to have a look at your technique – there may be some small adjustment that will make things easier. Even if you still can’t do it, just say “I can’t do it… yet”. Your thoughts are manifesting instantly, so of course if you immediately say “I can’t…” you won’t be able to. One of my instructors has spent the past two years saying she can’t do an allegra. She has taught it many times, with the words “I’ve never been able to nail this move, but I’ll demonstrate how it works on the assistant instructor”. At photo shoots, she would admire the beauty of her students’ perfect allegras, simultaneously applauding them and sighing at her own inability to execute such a gorgeous move. Then a funny thing happened. You know that thing where Facebook shows you what you were doing three years ago today? Well there it was in all its glory – a photo of her in a perfect allegra. What? When did this happen?? Turns out she did the move once, perfectly, but for whatever reason she had convinced herself (and all of us) that it never happened. The mind is a powerful thing. It will listen to you a lot more than your body ever will. Use powerful language, keep your mind open and never tell yourself you can’t. Or your instructor will make you do press ups as a punishment. However. Let’s also give up… Unrealistic expectations OK I know it sounds like I’m completely contradicting what I just said but hear me out. It’s all very well saying “Yes I Can” (just ask Obama), but we need to be realistic. I for example have damage to two discs in my vertebrae. I have to be very careful with this, and can only bend in a certain way and to a certain point and engage certain muscles or I am at risk of a slipped disc, and in fact this happens a couple of times a year. So let’s face it, I’m not, realistically, going to be able to rainbow marchenko any time soon. And I’m OK with that. Not every body is built to do everything (well, except for Bendy Kate).  I’ve just managed a cocoon – admittedly not a great cocoon but a cocoon nonetheless – and it has taken me six years and I couldn’t be more chuffed because I never thought it would happen.

Photo by Jon Cook Photography

Basically what I’m saying is, listen to your body. There’s a difference between “I can’t…” and “If I do that I’ll need surgery” Bad technique Hopefully you aren’t regularly practising bad technique. But we all get a bit lazy and sloppy sometimes. Just try, for the 40 days of Lent, to do everything spot-on: Lift your inverts; point your toes; lengthen your lines; make your hands pretty; come down nicely instead of flopping onto a mat; hold everything for a fraction longer. I bet you’ll notice a difference, and who knows, after 40 days it might become a permanent habit. Being stuck in a rut Try something new. Dancing in heels. Dancing in bare feet. Mastering spinny pole. Floorwork or flow. Take a workshop or look on YouTube and Instagram for inspiration. You might end up going in a whole new direction! And even if you don’t, you at least will get a whole new understanding and level of respect for the girls that do. Negative thoughts Remember what we were saying about your thoughts manifesting instantly? What effect do you think negative thoughts have? We’ve already looked at negativity towards yourself and are all agreed never to say “I can’t…” again. Now let’s do a nice thing and agree to cut out negative thoughts about others. Who cares if someone can do something you can’t. Who cares if they can do it first time and it took you a year. What other people can or can’t do makes no difference whatsoever to your training. And whether you think or talk positively or negatively about them makes no difference, other than making YOU feel bad. It’s like eating a load of rubbish food and then feeling sick and bloated and sweaty. It’s true there is a very fine line between inspiring people and making people feel crap about themselves, so if someone falls into that latter camp, look at why they bring these feelings out in you, and consider whether it’s an issue YOU have, rather than them. And if it’s them, well just kick them off your news feed or out of your life.

Anything that makes you feel crap I’m not here to tell you what to eat or how to live your life. I’m not going to push any sort of lifestyle choice or agenda. There are loads of choices out there from veganism to paleo to dairy free, and by all means take a look at those choices. But what I’m talking about here is making small changes. If you eat bread and it makes you feel crap, then stop eating bread. If meat makes you tired and lethargic, don’t eat it. If smoking makes you… you get the idea. It’s quite simple really. If it doesn’t make you feel good, don’t do it. And why stop at food? Surround yourself with people who lift you up and encourage you and support you. I’m talking about your pole sisters and brothers, but feel free to extend this into all areas of your life. As I said on Facebook this week, I’m giving up ass*oles for Lent (except I used a more offensive word than that, because I’m not giving up swearing for Lent). When was the last time you looked at Facebook and it made you feel good about yourself? (apart from reading this, obviously). If social media has become a habit that invariably brings you down, stop looking at it. Put the phone down. You can do it. Go train instead. BEXIITA ACKLAND